Late night euphoria

I want to write about this before the feeling wanes. Two days ago, I thought to myself, this feeling I have, is very reminiscent of the first time I applied to the Ph.D. program (and I wrote about it too). A sense of disbelief combined with a form of relief, I felt very hopeful and excited that I knew what I wanted to do, and no matter what happened with respect to the results, I am on a path that I cannot be moved from.

That's honestly how I feel about my HRI paper submission. I wanted to submit to it one way or the other, all the way since May. Now I know my paper may not be the best, it hasn't gone through any rejections yet, so it won't possibly be accepted. But the pursuit of this question, the excitement of user studies, learning statistics on the flow has been incredible. It has been stressful, no doubt, I have lost count of weekends lost and nights spent working and not sleeping, and how can I forget, that voice of anxiety always around to pull me back. But I've learnt to work around it. I've learnt to love my work more than I fear anxiety. And maybe for a moment, I feel like I won.

Maybe this is all temporary. But this is me, capturing this moment, before it flies away from me.

Before the high wears off

It's not the end of the semester. Hell, it is not even close. But well, I just got done with both my midterms today! I'm listening to Pearl Jam while writing this before people start discussing the midterm and I figure all the places I made stupid mistakes in. I just want to enjoy today and kinda think about the time that has been the last two months. I am finally here. Living my dream. After all of that crying, waiting, hoping ( du du du du du .. sorry, that song just came right up) for way way too long. I don't think I really believed it until my plane was about to land at Detroit and I almost wished it didn't because suddenly it was way too overwhelming with my hair standing on end.

But like it turns out, I didn't really have any getting used to studying or getting back to studying, it felt as natural as wearing a jacket. It never felt weird, it just did not. And I don't know if I am speaking too soon, but honestly, I don't think I've been happier in three years. I haven't felt this alive in so damn long. I just haven't.  I'm not saying there aren't tough times and doubtful times, lord knows I've had quite a few of them in just this small duration. But still, at least I don't feel listless. At least, I don't feel like my brain is rotting away while I just get by.

I had decided that I would try and let go of my past and all my disappointments and unfulfilled expectations and hope for this to be a fresh start. Fresh start, this word has been abused so often, and I think we tend to want these a little too often. But the lines have been pretty blurred. It didn't feel like a whole new beginning or whatever, it feels like a continuum of sorts. And I'm writing this knowing that if I suck at my midterm, I am gonna hate myself (clearly, I can't stop thinking even if I want to!) but whatever I said is true either way. So I am at peace, at least for today.

And Ann Arbor has been super welcoming. (At least that's what it leads you to believe until winter, is it? Or maybe, after winter, I might say eh, that wasn't so bad, I hope!) With all of its honestly unbelievably pretty places that have got me wondering "Really? Do I actually call this place my home now?", I love it. There are squirrels scurrying around digging up random places. There is this family of deer that walks past as though it doesn't give a shit about anyone who stares at them and smiles and chuckles and laughs and wonders about clicking photographs (a.k.a me). Why, I even spotted a skunk (and stayed far away, just in case :P). I hope I don't stop getting amazed at these things, it makes those tired walks to college something to look forward to. And fall is just so beautiful, so damn beautiful. It feels sad to see trees being barren but it also makes me look forward to the leaves growing back in spring. :)

When someone asks me what is it that I want to do or study and what I see myself doing, I actually don't know. The last few times I was so sure of doing something, it always changed and then I was stuck. Right now, I think I have an idea of what I would like to do without the details or even that one sentence description, and I think I have come to figure that sometimes, that's actually good enough. But one thing I do know, is that I want to make a difference. I want to learn the depth and not swim in the shallowness that is Jack of all trades.

It is a rainy morning here (yes, this post is continued over two days), and rain as always gives me a sense of calm with the whooshy sounds of the wind and pitter patter that feels familiar. The sky is overcast and the place looks just so beautiful. Not an average studying day at all. But I think I should get back to my books.

What it looks like outside my window!

This song kinda seems perfect for the weather, it's smooth, it's comfortable, it just glides beautifully in the background. I think Pink Floyd is perfect for too many situations. That being said, a few poems are in the works, so I shall return to this space very soon. :)

So long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye

 Following is the mail I wrote as a last day mail to a few people at Microsoft. Thought this needs to be up here for sure. 

I have been planning this mail for 2 months now. Telling myself I'd write it when the feeling hits the most. But damn it, tomorrow is my last day and yet I don't feel that way. Yep, it's that time of the year where a whole bunch of people begin to say goodbye in their own weird ways and move towards their apparent long term plans and dreams while we stayed on, feeling weirdly left behind. Or maybe we all have our paths and it is finally my cue to take that sharp turn I was waiting to take all this time.

In about three months, I will be found studying at University of Michigan, Ann Arbor waiting to die of too much cold or too many assignments. For that matter, when this admit came, I might as well have died. I honestly did not believe it. I kept waiting for one sign after the other to confirm that they aren't taking this away from me. That it is indeed mine. When you haven't had anything to celebrate in too long a time, I don't think you remember how to do it anymore when something good does happen. Even now, while I type this mail, my flight has been booked. I have the visa in my hand. There is technically nothing that can stop me. Yet, this incredulity, this amazement, this emotional upheaval, I think it is just stupid, but oh well, that's how it is.

In three years, a lot of things have changed. I have learnt to bargain (might I say very successfully ;) ) because of the 'very friendly' autowallahs here. I have watched an average of 15 movies per year in the theatre (which seems like less but is a lot for someone who barely watched one and only when the title included Harry Potter/Hobbit etc). I can actually converse completely in Hindi, retorting back too without actually struggling for a witty way to do it. I have had more girl friends in these three years than I have had in all of my life. Which is why even today, I refrain from wearing this horrid pair of sandals I had. (Story goes that someone thought that I was committed and deeply in love with someone(verbatim) in a long distance relationship which is why the change in dressing sense happened. I guffawed when I heard of it. IF only!). I have gone out and experienced most things people ought to try and then ideally abstain from and have quite a few crazy stories attesting to the fact too. :P

Most significant of them all, I am a lot more realistic bordering on pessimistic. I am more perceptive to pain. I cry a lot easier ( and I hate it!) and feel Nirvana is therapeutic. Like one of my friends put it very aptly, I came in a with a government-esque five year plan, so sure of its execution. But sometimes you fight so hard for something you're so sure you want, when it comes to you, you no longer believe you were meant for it, you deserve it or even that you want it. I think I have forgotten the pain, the hard earned joy and glory at the end of a long struggle. We don't realize how comfortable we get with this life of ours. Maybe the point is to give it up. Go back and struggle. Not stop unless you are truly happy, the kind of happiness you get when you are sweating like a pig at the end of a workout but you can't wait to do it again the next day. Maybe that's what I miss right now. Maybe that's why I don't truly feel like myself anymore. I think I want that real happiness. And I am going to try and get to that.

If there is one thing that I want to leave you with, it is how much I have loved the company, right since day 1, and I mean Microsoft as a whole. I always tend to find a new reason or a new facet that I am amazed by, that I want to embody, that I wish to be a part of. I have been lucky to have the most amazing mentors who always encouraged me and kept challenging me with every task I  completed and I am hoping that will come of some use where I am going. I have had some of the most amazing managers ranging from those who made me strive hard to deserve to be a part of the team, to those who told me it is intention and hard work that is important, and that as long as I love what I do, I will do my best. I also came across the most amazing people who despite being in a position where they could make me feel really small, they made me feel like I mattered and it was worth it. Just for that, if I do end up getting a Ph.D or become a postdoc etc. , irrespective of offers from anywhere else, I believe my heart would still choose Microsoft, because somehow, something about it just feels right. I feel like I fit right in and I don't think I am ever going to let myself forget that.

This is quite a long mail I have written. If you know me well enough, I think you'll know this is just about the right length. If you don't, I am very very happy that you reached until this point. I will always be amazed at people reading something that I write, right until the end and am thankful to them too. The years at Microsoft changed my world and me in a way that I don't think I had ever imagined possible. I am leaving with a curious mind open to possibilities, waiting to explore and dreaming of making a difference enough to change the world.

That this mail has reached your inbox means that I have had at least one interaction with you that mattered and you are someone I hope to keep in touch with. ( I know bcc kinda defeats that point but it is a requirement only for technical purposes). I shall be available on different mediums as specified below and I promise not to add to the list of airport check-ins that shall happen like a craze in the following months. :) I wish you a life of happiness, excitement and will to do whatever you wish to do in life. Leaving you with this song while I bid adios.

Tales of 24

24 was always far away for me and my sister. It was the age when my mom got married (though she strictly encourages me to finish studying before I even think of marriage and just how much I love her for that!). Right since I was 14, my sister would begin going  “la la la la la la” the moment someone even mentioned marriage and I always used to think ’24 is too far away, why the hell should I care about it now?’ I don’t have to think about it for 10 years now. (I was 14, I wasn't allowed to use 'hell' even in my head :P.)

I don’t think I ever planned the future in a clear manner. I didn't know then what working actually involved so I couldn't see myself doing so. But the one thing that has been constant since then is the want to study.

Look at me now. Here I am. All of 24. I keep repeating it to myself to remind myself that I am indeed that old. The age that I thought would never come.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  For the first time in many years, I did not feel that tinge of sadness that is so typical of us singles surrounded by happy romantic couples smothered by roses and teddy bears and excessive love. I did the cheesiest possible things for my girlfriends here, took them out for dinner and we had the most amazing evening filled with revelations. It felt so amazing to be present in that moment, where I could make someone feel so special. All of us wish to feel that, yes, even though we may have multiple occasions where the corresponding better halves do their bit. But those times, when it comes from someone and somewhere unexpected, there is always a hint of delight to it. I do hope they felt as much.

Something I have been feeling stronger about with every passing day is how I need to involve myself in a lot more music, a lot more writing as well. I watched Roy the other day and there was something about that movie that brought out that dreamy alternate world, the other worldly feeling that engulfs me when I sit to write a poem. I felt that after ‘Begin again’ too. It brought out the feeling related to music that is so entrenched in me, the feeling that accompanies me wherever I go. I definitely want to write more songs, both lyrics and music and actually sing them outside of the four walls of my bedroom. (Yes, I have definitely advanced from the bathroom singing which is now reserved for improvisations and falsettos :P.) The night of my birthday triggered this feeling too, when we were jamming and I just sang my heart out, improvisations et al., for the first time in the presence of others. I wish I could explain how it feels, but for that, I would have to cut my heart out, place it in front of you and hope you can feel a small part of it. (While I write this, my brain is going, “Your brain, your brain, not your heart!” but the poet in me just cannot let go of metaphors. :) ) I hope it happens a lot more when I am eventually part of a band (again I hope). I am guessing I am not too late, maybe I should write a few of my own songs in the meanwhile. Oh Marine drive, just how much I miss you.

Today, I also went for the 3k run organized by the Hyderabad Runners club. Quite measly when compared to the half-marathon or even the marathon, but man, the way they make you feel when you enter that finish line, it is as though you did something spectacular. It was nothing like those 100m races in school where I always failed trying, or at least felt like I did. Always left in that sinking feeling where I began to believe that sports was never meant for me despite the inherent liking I had for it.  I think I am going to cherish the feeling from today morning and keep it pushing me towards where I want to be.

I was telling a friend of mine, that I have begun to appreciate the importance of simplicity of friendships and conversations. And just now, I remember having written a post with the same title. I had written it in the wake of a whole lot of people I had discovered and what I had believed then to be the ideal way. There is a part of me that wants to plaster a big ‘LOL’ on top of this post but I will not. I understand that as much as you try and make something as simple as it gets, unless the other person wants and does the same things, it will never reach that pinnacle. And sometimes, as much as you might care for someone and they might care for you, you will always tend to be biased towards those friends who understand you so instinctively, with whom you don’t have to be careful about what you say, it does not matter how you behave or how often you talk, they get you. I KNOW, the then-me would never agree to this, always believing that more is possible but I guess now I know better. I am thankful to have a few of these special ones with whom it never ceases to remain the same :) . Though I don’t think I will ever stop trying.

Now you might wonder why this post feels like a whole bunch of updates rather than one coherent thought. I think it has a lot to do with my state of mind, which I think is comparable to a dementor :P; though I am not trying to suck happiness out of people’s lives, I am definitely trying to get those happy moments out of all the small things that I may do. And writing this post has made me quite emotional as well, maybe it has a lot to do with how much of this came from my own self, just me, without having to depend on anyone else. That makes it all the more special. And a lot more close to my heart as well. Leaving you with this song that reminds me how I want to feel when I eventually sing and play my own song in front of an audience with a similar ensemble. :)

                         

The year of hope

It's the beginning of a new year. It's everything and nothing like the ones that have passed before. For me, this new year was different. It was supposed to be my great escape. It was ushered in the midst of my favourite music. Ushered in the presence of merry people on the road. Ushered in with every possible hope and wish I could ever think of.

2013 was quite the year. It was a year of hard-hitting facts coupled with those unbelievably good moments. New friends were made. Close friends were made. Deepest secrets were shared. Found people I could completely relate to. Found people who I could crib to and get honest reassurances about how things always turn out good and vice-versa. Found those who would always encourage me. Saw the goodness in people when they wish for you to succeed. Those few thankful moments. Saw the highest highs and the lowest lows of everything that could be. Realized how much I have changed or rather adapted to this kind of living, a little bit of cynicism, a little bit of unrealistic wishes. Actually let go and had fun a few times, those few times I refused to think too much and the time that brought out the happy, impressive side of me. A bitter-sweet year on a whole but a year that is going to play a huge role, in how I look at life from now onward, I guess.

So, enough of that gloominess. Weirdly, I do have a few resolutions for this year.

•  To not panic and go crazy. Which I realize I do way WAYYY too much when it comes to my own things. I have got to learn to train the calm me, that helps other people, to work for me too. 
• To not over-think things ( Haha, she hopes, my head says to me). 
• To be a little adventurous. 
• Experience life in a way that I live every moment just for that moment. 
• Not feel guilty about letting go and being myself once in a while
• Taking things as they come is probably the best advice I have gotten and something that I seem to be putting to use.

This year is truly the year of hope. A few for whom it has already turned into reality, that happiness I felt knew no bounds, to begin a year with good news feels like a sign. A few, who like me, are awaiting their turn, and I hope that it works out perfectly for them too. It is a year of anticipation, a year of anxiety, a year of dreaming and living through each day with that one thought in your mind. I think my next new year's post shall have quite an account of how things turned out.

On that note, I wish you a very wonderful new year and I truly hope that your deepest wishes come true. :)

And I shall leave you with this lovely song. :)

"It's hard to get by just upon a smile, girl"

You're perfect

If you're a girl reading this, there has definitely been "one" day in your life when you have thought that every other girl looks better than you, dresses better than you, is thinner than you...you know, those self bashing days. Sure, guys have their corresponding days too with respect to other things but let's not get into that. Although I pretty much find it dumb to define yourself using such shallow characteristics, I have to confess, I am one of those females too. Someone who has those days a little more often than they need to be. I'll never believe that I can look pretty. Even if I am told by more than one person, people who I don't know who are bound to give me an honest opinion cuz otherwise they would give none. But I will still convince myself that it was just said to make me happy.

No, I am not writing this so that you can join in the bandwagon of convincing me otherwise.( I am pretty sure that some of you are gonna say "Who the hell told you you look pretty. You are a fat cow". You know who you are :P ) It's just that in an outing I had with a larger unknown group compared to the ones I usually hang out with, I happened to observe people in a different light altogether. You can broadly divide them into these.

Some who are the typical pretty girls, the kind the guys look out for..those who are very aware of that..and flaunt that even..

Others who know they can look prettier but choose not to but for certain occasions.

But there are three other kinds that intrigued me the most. Something I never really paid attention to in all my years.

Pretty females who don't know they are pretty.

And some who simply believe or maybe just don't care about it.

And others who look pretty when they're doing what they do best.

The last 3 intrigued me the most. Cuz there was no one I didn't identify as pretty at some point in time. How do you define pretty, beautiful at all? Being attractive? Well, that is the first thing that pops into your mind. Then how do we justify the last three? That's the thing. You as a person will always give someone else credit instead of giving yourself just because it doesn't satisfy the universal definition of pretty. I think the movies have spoiled that for us. They will always show the nerdy, not so fashionable girl as the slender,short skirt wearing heroine's side kick. And more often than not, you tend to relate with the side kick more than the heroine. You are made to believe that that someone will ever think of you as someone worth spending attention on is a dream that will never be fulfilled. This is a very sad thing cuz it is completely untrue.


You never wanted to be physically attractive. Maybe you did but it is more of a matter of wanting to be accepted, wanting to be a part of something. Maybe you think that being attractive helps you skip the first step but we tend to forget that that isn't the only step. Sometimes, it isn't even a step at all! But yet we want everyone else to validate us for our own selves. We want someone else to tell that we are wonderful. I think that is where the fault lies.

That time when you're doing what you love or what you do best, or when your natural instinct takes over, when you completely forget the image that you have built around yourself,  when it ceases to be the superficial you, THAT makes you pretty.

When you meet a friend after a long time, the delight that you see on their face on meeting you cuz they know how much they love you and likewise, that smile that appears on your face almost instantly, THAT  is being pretty.

Others who don't care. Way to go, people! Cuz you don't need someone to tell you you are awesome. You know you are. You may have times when you think otherwise but meh, you won't bother about that, would you? That confidence, that belief, THAT makes you pretty.

"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" is universal when the first and the only beholder that matters to you is YOU yourself.

But girl, if all of this still doesn't convince you, don't worry. Remember all the times someone told you how they loved the small things about you. Those days when these feelings didn't creep up on you. One day, you'll be told that you're prettier than the hottest girl in town, you'll laugh unconvinced. One day you will be loved so much that being pretty won't matter to you. When you won't need to write/read something like this to convince yourself of the same. You'll realize that it was never about being pretty. It was always about being you, completely you. And when that happens, go look in the mirror.

You'll find the most beautiful person you've ever met staring right back at you. Content. Happy. As she was always supposed to be.

Missing Mumbai

*This is the article I wrote for Insignia 2011*

It is coincidental that this time the theme of this magazine is Mumbai. Exactly at the juncture where I'm in the perfect mood to reminisce about the place that has been my home and that shall always be my home; when I am about to say goodbye to this place to start the next leg of my journey.

Of course, the word journey has to bring local trains to my head. Rightly called the lifeline of this place, despite all the unwanted body massages you invariably are treated to during rush hours, the adventure of getting into a Virar local to get down at Andheri is something only we can boast of. There is something about the Mumbai trains that only Mumbaikars can perceive, make sense of, interpret and understand. Invariably, it is one form of transport 'in Mumbai' that will never disappoint you. The emphasis is meant to be, the local trains in Hyderabad are weird, they come once in 15 minutes, you find men in the ladies compartment and they don’t have cool abbreviations for stations! How most of us spend half our lives travelling in a train and how it just becomes a part of your life! Try asking any Mumbaikar if they can imagine a life without trains, the answer is going to be a resounding no.

I have travelled a major part of my life by bus as well. Travelling by bus is amazing I tell you, especially if it is a long distance ride. If you have earphones, there is nothing that can stop that bus ride from becoming heaven*. *Not applicable if you are standing squished between sweaty people in the middle of the bus or if you get a seat with either a really fat aunty next to you, or worse, with a screaming kid in her hands* Nevertheless, I will still miss the good ol’ BEST bus more than (rather not!) the ill willing rickshaw walas who wish to earn as much as an average engineer would after 4 years of struggle and think it is their birth right to refuse anyone a ride.

If there is yet another thing I really am going to miss it’s the coastlines. They are some of the best places to hang around without having so much as a second thought, be it Juhu beach or Bandstand or Carter Road or Marine Drive. Why, in the so called vacation that we had, my friend even sat on the beach and sketched the scenery for her portfolio while we were lolling around. After living in a place where I could walk to a beach, to be surrounded by land on all sides doesn’t feel too good. And it’s always been a dream to sit on Marine Drive at 12 in the night, something I’m not too sure I’ll be allowed to do over here, yet.

Roadside chaat, from a time when I wasn’t allowed to go near it to a time where I eat whenever I get a chance, this is one favourite I won’t have access to once I leave this place. The sukha puri at the end of Pani puri, how much ever you know inside of your heart that that cold paani is the result of some piece of ice dragged through the dusty road, it doesn’t stop you from saying “Ek aur pani puri, bhaiyya!” Same thing about the golas too, it’s the joy of eating something that is not ideal and something so accessible that makes it all the more tempting.
 

And how can I forget?! The monsoons! The ones where the fresh fragrance of wet mud is the unmistakable awaited first sign. That feeling of relief that they have finally arrived. The ones where none of my umbrellas remained unbroken for more than half a monsoon; or maybe less. The ones which inspired me to write so many of the prose/poetry that I can boast of today. The rains I loved to get wet in whilst singing not bothering about the onlookers. I agree this is a romantic view ignoring the various other hindrances particular to the monsoon season but then if I’m leaving this place, I’m going to miss the good parts of everything, right?

One thing common to all of what I’ve mentioned is the familiarity about them. The warm fuzzy feeling when you think about them. Knowing people around me, the idiosyncrasies of the weather, knowing the way to places in the city instinctively, walking on roads that have been treaded on so often, memories of the best times of my life that come rushing to me while I travel, so many things that I may or may not have realized in my life over here that I shall miss when I’m not here any longer. It is something you are never going to be fully satisfied with but make the most of it as long as you’re here. Signing off with a thought that I shall be filled with in the time to come.

“I recognize none of what I see,

 blank walls and bright cars all around me,

where is the warmth I once knew,

 the smile that would be born by just the mention.

 Those days will never come back again,

nostalgic I will be, but with equal amount of pain

 and joy in remembering the place I once knew,

the place I will always know as home.”

Microsoft-The end of it

        I just don't feel like changing what I originally thought of it. This title came in the last week of my internship. Now when I sit to finish what I intended writing, it seems it isn't the end after all but a whole new beginning.

I remember the last time I wrote about my internship. I knew nothing of what I had to do. I didn't know how I was gonna fare. I didn't know if I was worth the internship. But I was very sure I'll make myself worth it. Those 8 weeks were difficult. But weird enough, they were equally fun. (yes, I don't mind confessing I love coding, call me a geek if you want :P ). And never ever try to uninstall SQLServer, it is such a pain that I can't even explain how much. Plus I had to do it thrice, making it the first time I had to sit beyond 12 in office. (Blame the cab system, which drops you to your home whatever time may be :P )

The internship was even awesome'r' because of the other interns. We got to know each other pretty well I must say, making that one of the main reasons why we wanted to come back more than anything else at all. All those group lunches, group dinners, stupid banter, coffee breaks and sometimes even serious doubts and discussions really mattered a lot. (Must thank the seniors for the unofficial facebook group, that really helped us know each other much before we were even there). Not to forget, those late night movies as well!

Talking of late night movies, to be out at wee hours of the day was definitely a first for me. Never have I even dared to ask, forget enter out of the house beyond 10. But there, this happened as I got to work at my best time (yes, I'm a nocturnal person, an owl would ideally be my animagus if I think of it) and even late night movies. None of this a secret from home makes it the icing on the cake. No objection would be a cherry on the top. Why, when my deadline for the presentation got advanced and a time came when I had to do my project right from scratch in one night (yes, that did happen and trust me, I wasn't ever more confident that I could finish it, just a gut feeling I had, didn't even know why), I actually sat till 4.15 a.m. and was wide awake when I came back at 8 to complete the project, managed to add a few finishing touches as well which I hadn't added in the previous version. The project was ready right at half an hour before the presentation.

But anyway, when you're a girl with overprotective parents, this kind of gives you that independent feeling ,you know, something I wasn't sure I was ready for, definitely sure my parents weren't. But then, they suddenly seemed to have felt that their girl has grown up to make her own decisions whilst I was there which made me really happy, as they did think I was responsible for myself. Considering its my first time all by myself, I found that a big deal.


I had awesome team mates without whom I doubt I would ever have reached the completion of my project and I'm not even exaggerating. If it wasn't for my manager's encouraging words, I wouldn't have ever imagined myself completing in a night what took me 5 weeks. If it wasn't for my mentor's support, I doubt I would have had thought I could sit myself through. But that's ok, I made sure I thanked all of them profusely when I left and also informed them that I got the job and that I attributed part of my success to all of them.

Its not even sunk in yet and I'm not at all saying this because everyone says this. Of course it was crazy to hear the words "you're hired" after a very dramatic pause; but still, the fact that I am going there next year, the fact that I have indeed got a 10 lakh odd job(although that hardly matters), the fact that I indeed am so lucky in so many ways... Things have been going in the right way, rather the perfect way ever since my 11th std now and every time I take a new step I wonder if its the end of my lucky stretch. Guess this wasn't either. Never did I work with the intention of getting the job, of course finally everyone wants it but the internship meant much more to me, much more than I have ever imagined. It meant me knowing that I can push my limits to achieve what had seemed impossible to me by my own self, it meant me knowing for sure that I am meant for coding and me saying 'I like coding' is not a farce, it meant that, I reiterate; with practically nothing technical on my resume, I could actually come to live a computer engineer's dream.

So I am a jobless person the following year but to reminisce about the past 3 years( now I am emotional 4th year old person and I'll be ranting about missing everything in a few months I think ), Microsoft IT for the next year at least and of course, really really happy to be back with all the people that I missed so much whilst I was there. I think I have spoken too much about Microsoft now, I'm bored and I'll be back to usual Preeti post in some time. Till then, tada!

The final one yet the pinnacle

                                    It was always supposed to be an experience of a lifetime. I had always known it and dreamt about it ever since my first IV. But it would be such a memorable one was not expected. For more reasons than one.

It is one of the biggest events in terms of the calendar year. Pressure was immense. It has always been about managing more than 100 people. So much anticipation about something I really did not have any idea about it in terms of management and in terms of enjoying it,absolutely nil this year. Probably the horrible semester had a part to play in it. Even the thought of seeing new places right near my hometown didn't cheer me up. I sort of put this IV away as something nothing more than an event that I will put my heart and soul into making it one of the best IVs, probably the only thing that I thought. But then I would never have expected that the joy of knowing people would return back in this IV. Never thought I would be having this big smile on face even after a fortnight after I returned from it.

And I don't think a day to day narration would do justice to what I've experienced so here's to a hatke narration.

*edit* Its a pretty long post, so I hope you survive till the end of it if you haven't been for the IV. If you have, I hope you go back to those 9 days again after reading this. :D
Also, I usually don't mention names but I've differed this time as names are very important to this narration. *edit*

Bus Journeys- They have always been the same..People almost always sleep 10 minutes into the journey. And so would I. But this time, it became about what I was amazed about a year back. People, again! My class people were with me only during the first bus journey and then it was only me, my co-coordinators and the FEs. These bus journeys became what turned these guys into people who changed my perception about how this IV would be, obviously for the good :). A special mention of Mukund and Apeksha and Rishabh must come here who made my bus journeys so interesting with their stories which is still as fresh in my mind, totally made my IV happening! Also, I didn't mind missing out on the required sleep too, the knowing them phase was something I just could not miss. So, a big thank you to you guys!
And also the FEs who although faltered at the start, got better with the headcount with time(so we always knew no one was missing) and also were this continuous source of entertainment, made the bus journeys memorable.

Vannakam :P - Again, something I never anticipated. In spite of the fact that 2 out of 3 places were in tamil nadu, I never thought I would be speaking as much tamil at all. Turned out, everyone from the driver to the sightseeing guide could speak broken hindi but would any day prefer speaking tamil. So yes, I became the quintessential middleman with no commission (:P) who would speak in tamil to these people and translate it for the helpless committee members on the other side. ;) And you should see the happiness on their faces when they realize there is someone who they can converse with in tamil. In Kanyakumari, this very funny incident happened. When all of us were having coconut water and that guy charged Rs 20, I started conversing in tamil saying its too much. But the guy said he gets it at a high price so he can't reduce it anymore but he seemed pretty pleased to speak in tamil. I asked him to cut the coconut so that I could have the flesh. He did that willingly. When I asked him to do the same for my friend Parth standing next to me, He said "No,no, I did it for you, for him, nah" much to Parth's chagrin. But finally yes, he did cut for him too. And I stole the attention totally there, it was fun, I was needed everywhere, but beyond a certain point, people could talk in hindi and yet they would call me to converse.( I mean mukund here who made me talk tamil to the driver every time who spoke pretty much decent hindi. Lazy bum :P )
Also, I happened to pass right through the place where my maternal grandparents stay, got to meet them too and got loads more food to eat. Wow, I did feel at home to some extent, so cool it was :D 8-)


Madgaon Blooper- God knows why people voted this as the Kodak moment of the IV, it was hardly that. One of those things that just go wrong ,you know. The ticket said Trivandrum to Madgaon. 10 compartments and a pantry car away from the other organizers, I barely had any clue about the destination becoming Thivim as it was nearer to the hotel albeit the train would wait for lesser time there. Mostly cuz I was catching up on the sleep which I didn't have the first 6 days( forced to, by Nisha who even confiscated my phone so that I sleep, literally..lol) And considering a FE woke me up when we reached Coimbatore half an hour earlier than it was supposed to( really, these south indian railways are crazy! ), I planned not to let it happen again. Woke up at 4.30 as Madgaon was supposed to come at 5.45. Went to the FE bogey S10, woke everyone up, got them packing and ready to alight. Never suspected why the other organizers in S1 didn't turn up cuz there was a closed pantry car in between and no signal in my phone to call them. Madgaon arrived, every freaking person got down from the S9,S10,S11 bogeys with their luggage and I even made sure everyone did. I started going towards S1 when the tour operator came screaming and running towards me saying they are supposed to get back into the train. And thankfully, since the train waited for 10 minutes here, people frantically got in but everyone did and so did every piece of luggage. I was pretty embarrassed by the whole thing but most of them saw the funny side of it, Pankit praising me saying its amazing how I got all those 60 people down and up. An experience, nonetheless.

Bargaining :P- To those of you who know me, bargaining and me have been old enemies. But yet, I tried to conquer my inability to bargain in Goa. (Credit goes to Neelam who is "THE" successful bargaining idol for me) We successfully got the price of some set of shorts down from rs 250 to rs170 (although I think we could have brought it down to Rs120 at least) which is a phenomenal achievement for me, at least, a first in years. I must mention Rishabh yet again here who is another phenomenal bargainer( a lesson he taught and something I remember from neelam too, learn to walk away #tipstobargainwell ). He spoke to a tea shop guy in kanyakumari in broken english and numbers and got down the coffee price from Rs. 8 to Rs. 6 for 140 of us. And me! I must just go hide my face somewhere. :P

 'Cinjal'ified pic!- And I finally got my amazing pic in sepia with the backgrounds of the vast ocean which was the immediate profile pic on fb the day I returned..I absolutely love that pic. Thank you Cinjal!

Bagha beach-The one day I had unadulterated fun..and probably the one day I spent wholly with my friends without running away in between..I decided not to go for the 'IV' and no one asked me to either, I deserved the break they said and I convinced myself too(which is a big thing really!). That was the day we had water sports which in one word was AMAZING! Plus the very necessary life jacket for the water sports only encouraged my friends to make the very-unstable-oh-I'm-gonna-fall me fall as often as possible by just tipping me with a finger! And I loved those life jackets-which apart from saving my life, let me float happily in water,bobbing up and down(sorry I know I sound like a kid but weeeee! ;-) )

After hours in the water, we had to dry and change and WOW,the feeling to change into shorts when the whole environment around you is conducive to such clothing followed by a pastry and paneer, bliss again:-)

P.S. Following those fun hours in the water, I went back to being the mad me,the one that my friends know only too well.. That night I was bubbling with happiness, dancing around when people were talking to me, acting funny, talking gibberish, basically acting drunk, a state my extc counterparts have never seen me in and never imagined either after seeing me for the first week on the IV :-P But that one day I finally felt.............Well, I wont try explaining it, trying to would belittle the very expansive feeling, but I guess its understood,no?       


 Awards!- A brilliant idea by rishabh( p.s. he demanded there be more than a mention of his in this post, him being a recent fan of my blog, I've somehow mentioned him thrice now, too much attention you get,boy! ), we decided to keep these awards ceremony on the last night based on whatever transpired on the iv, something everyone would know about..not rambling too much, I won two awards(for which I obviously didnt nominate myself, someone else did) the most popular person and the best nickname..now, I wont say I didnt expect the nickname one and I shared it with one of the star FE's Shero(short for Pratik Shirwaikar) because of Pankit,the guy who gave me the name and religiously calls me nothing but 'amma' and mukund spreading it amongst the FEs, I guess chota badri and gaurav doing the honours among the SEs,every1 knew me as that..and popular person,more about it later.                 





DJ night-Yes, the one thing that I've sorta learnt to enjoy because of the innumerable ones we have in the fests. I'm not at all a natural dancer forget a good one..I always try moving my hands and legs in some weird way which is always perceived as passable dance..whether it was on the boat cruise or at the hotel, I had decided I would do nothing but just move from side to side and maybe ape those steps in the songs itself. But then the FEs would not leave me without dancing and then the poor things say I dance good! In the hotel, I had to cross the dancing guys to go from one place to another and some group would pull me to the center, be it the se's or fe mech or te extc and I would dance...I have never and will never dance so much but yep, it was fun. :D

FEs : Now, where should I start? Ever since my first year, after seeing Divya nicely don the job of being our co-ordinator, I had imagined that if I ever get into IEEE, I would be the FE coordinator. So, it was done. Also, I remember Anna coming to our compartment and sitting talking to us when we were in FE and I was in awe of him and thought I must be a senior just like that, friendly and approachable. 42 FEs. Quite a number. They made every place look lively. Experiencing what an IV is for the first time, they brought back that excitement in me to look forward to enjoying in different places. Plus their conversations, their jokes, their codewords about the ragging kept taking me back to my first year, literally relived my first IV again. Also, I could see the respect in their eyes, that awe when they thought about the magnitude of organizing something like this, the love they had for us as coordinators...ohh, its come a whole circle for me, what anna keeps referring to, the circle of life. I must say, more than half of what I call experience in this iv is due to these guys who seemed like kids to me despite them being just 2 years younger. Its that innocence, that never ending optimistic expectations, the ability to find joy in just being on the IV, all the more reason I felt I was responsible for their well being and happiness throughout the IV. And yes, I realized this was the last IV. Told them they had two more to look forward to. They say that it won't be the same cuz we won't be there.. Ahh, FEs, I love you just for saying this to me, even if you didn't mean it. :)

Oh, and they showed their gratitude with such a touching gesture, I felt I have redeemed everything that I have ever had to through this IV. Maybe I'm getting too emotional but what is there must be mentioned. I just love my juniors. :D

My friends- If I don't mention them, then it is as good as I didn't exist on the IV. Oh, these so lovely people were that unfathomable support throughout the IV for me. The people who I thought I would completely take for granted( I guess I did to some extent too). The people who literally dragged my luggage everywhere while I roamed around in the name of committee. The people who continuously worried about my well being and made sure I was well taken care of, making sure I slept, making sure I ate and most of all, making sure I had my share of fun. They were so understanding about everything that I always made sure I came and spent time with them after finishing any kind of work. I owed it to them and I owed it to myself too. And bagha beach, they made it memorable. I love you guys(Nisha, Gandhali, Ashish, Aadish, Srinath, Amay, Parth) a lot more than I can express over here and of course, I will be grateful forever for this.

And I must mention Neelam and Harsh too, that I missed them so much on the IV and that given a chance, I would always want all of us to go on the same iv and I'm happy that their IV was a good one too. :)

Nevertheless, back to the post :P

Some things never change- And the tradition continued where the stupid sothdu extc guys decided to sleep and me and pankit followed by srinath later went from S1 to S10 back to S1 at least 5 times at 1 in the morning pasting all the college people for whom it was the first time they even knew it happens. And in my last iv, for the first time, my face was full of paste and shaving cream, so was my hair but wow, those Father Agnel guys really thought we were apparitions.(one of them actually shrank back in fear, no kidding! ) and by God, it was awesome to be the one initiating it. (But damn, I washed my face with facewash 5 times to stop it burning and Pankti amazingly shampooed my hair in that washroom without a strand touching the basin. Kudos to her! )

Day of retrospect- Last day was literally a day when the whole IV came rushing back to me. I found an amazing friend in Mukund, both of us being workaholics, as he says, someone who I've known the whole last semester being in the same committee but never managed to "know". (imagine me!) Also, I've changed his hatred of english music to madness for it! *collars raised* So, IEEE is gonna be much more fun this sem I think. :)
Also managed to know Apeksha through him and not to forget, Rishabh (Thanks to bus journeys) and I'm nowadays found quite often in the EXTC class only, as though its my own class.


I will never forget bagha beach, a place where I saw the warmth and love in all my friends' eyes and that happiness,its something that I will cherish, remember as the day I knew I was luckier than I thought.

Coming back to popular person, more than anything, it made me feel I had used my ability to talk to anyone at all to the advantage of me as one of the organizers. Made me feel I had done every possible thing left in me to make this IV as wonderful as possible, as memorable an experience for people as possible, the way my first IV had always been for me, a very special one. I really did put my heart and soul into this IV, did my best and when people meet me on the corridor and tell me they had a great time, it seems all worth it. All that running around, all that panic, every damn thing that happened.

*special mention* of Soham, THE chairperson who unfortunately couldn't be present on the IV (yes, soham, we missed your ghatiya jokes and singing!! ) but made for it by sending these encouraging messages to us for us to be enthusiastic about handling the whole IV. So, you're the best, Soham! :D *end*

*another special mention of mayuresh who would have come for the IV making it so much more memorable but GRE does take priority! A big thanks to him for his calls and messages and almost being present on the iv :) *
IF you have reached here, thank you so much for reading this whole post and a big thank you to people who encouraged me to write this and so sorry, if I missed someone out in the narration.

And its time for wordlists again. :P

Music and me

    Well, I must give credit to Rishkul for having written about it first which made me write today after having wanted to for months now :D.

Music..the word is enough to transport you into a different world altogether. To make you feel the emotions that you may not have reason to feel in your life but the music will make you do so. The lifting of spirits in a world where not but music seems to be around you. Music is as impactful as people. It can make you happy when you're sad, it can make you cry even when you're happy.

 Yesterday I had this long talk about how I've been exposed to music all my life. No, I lived in music my whole life. From my dad singing carnatic songs as a lullaby ever since I was born till I was almost 7. The days we had audio cassettes my mom used to carry my sister and hold the hand of 4 year old me ,Billy Joel,Lionel Richie playing loud, my mom used to dance with us, which is why I started loving pop of those times. Dad on sundays played those songs of Pink Floyd which used to sound scary then (I meant the is anybody out there :P) along with Queen,The Police and of course ABBA,Beegees ,Boney M topped the list. These songs weren't the ones which I loved so much then cuz I used to get bored of the songs which I hadn't heard often. But still, I absorbed everything I heard to love them years after I first heard them.

Music sort of grows on you. Whatever kind it may be. It enchants, enriches, invigorates.You don't need to have a natural liking to music. Listening to any kind a couple of times will make u like it. Just observe, you always tend to have the songs you hate the most running at the back of your head and at some point you start appreciating parts of it. (Although I make sure I don't listen to those songs anywhere for fear that this might happen :P )

Also, there is this sort of a connect between musicians, singers and instrument players alike. These musicians that we admire are mostly people who live on music and are crazy about it which is so evident when they are a part of it. And when two combine to be a part of a melody, oh, that connect is so visible and amazing, its almost like you're listening to 2 people who are trying to explain a point in their own way with their own mannerisms and yet the point strikes you as one and you have understood it because those 2 points of view made you appreciate the very point.

The following video,the part after 5.00 minutes will make you understand what I mean. I mean these people love doing this. Its the best career they could have asked for, doing what they love, doing what they live for, doing what would never trouble them in the slightest, I can go on and on. Accepted, reaching this point is not easy, you have to be the best in thousands and prove that to the right people.. Whatever, these guys are living a good life and we get to hear good music. :P

Even a bigger joy is to be someone who can create this music for others and of course your own self to listen and love. When it sounds as sweet from your own voice or hands. For me, after 10 years of resigning to fate that I would never be someone who I myself would listen to singing, in spite of the fact I sang all these years listening to the original song in my head, I finally started finding some melody in my own voice. Hopefully it will turn into bliss one day...all this thanks to my music teacher really!


I have always wondered why I have never been able to write about music which is ingrained in me and something I cannot dream of living without. I guess I found the answer in my question. Somethings are just precious and felt, words can do no justice to how they actually feel.

Music is an ecstasy is so good to be true and yet it is one which will last for eternity. It never can disappoint and never will. Happiness personified rather content personified is what music makes you.

So make sure music is your companion wherever you go. Life will be a beautiful symphony making you appreciate every note that has gone into making it one. :D

P.S. I still don't feel this post explains totally how much I'm mad about music.. but I guess you get the point :P

My vacation!

This time when I went to both my grandparents' place, it was with a purpose. 4 years of yearning for both the places made me finally decide to go. Also, it so happened that this year, I was the only grandchild expected in both the places. So, excitement was pretty high. For me, I suddenly realized these were places where I always went as a matter of habit every vacation, the only thing on my mind being playing with cousins, reading those books I have already read thousands of times again, watching T.V and done. The only time I would actually spend time with my grandparents was when we went out. Also, I realized that these both are such beautiful places still holding on to their innocence and purity.

I made it a point to click these photos this time. Yes, with the purpose of having it on my blog.. This is the cow shed.. Famously known now as the reason I'm called a cow. But God, the best part of staying at my dadi's place is anytime you get bored, all you have to do is go to the backyard and play with those calves. Its fun really. Especially the naming part of it. Cows are always named lakshmi, it seems. But we kids had a problem with all the cows being named the same. and what about the male calf then?
7 years back, we named one of them Rohan(cuz i and my sister insisted there should be one north indian name) and the female subbalakshmi. It was fun those days, I say.

This is the calf which was born this year. When I had gone, it was only 15 days old. I remember an incident that happened with "Rohan". The funniest thing possible.He was left loose to run around in the shed and these calves literally jump around once they've had their milk.And you see the picture below? He ran right through the back door through the house to the front yard with all of us just realizing a brown thing whizz past us. Yes, he had to be dragged back for fear of him falling into a ditch by mistake. Just shows kids, even if not human are really funny and naughty.

This is a typical "those days" house. It is 105 years old. REALLY! renovated again and again and rooms changed to be the house that it is now. I really like this front door and back door right opposite to each other concept. Not only that, even the door of the house opposite is right in front of the door. When they keep the door to the backyard open, you can actually see from this end to that end!

Yep,I baked biscuits too :D These being one of the specialities of my dadi. And so yummy made in pure freshly made ghee.

The unique part of it. Not baked in an oven. At least not in the oven as you know it. It was great fun making them. Eating, should I even say :D

You may think this is all old fashioned, I was talking to my grand mother about this. She told me, these traditions survive in very few places. People forget there used to be stoves like these. People don't realize that if these weren't there, we wouldn't have what we have now. Its like living in a different world really. And it isn't too bad. Just I think people found me a bit weird.

And village life is not boring really. I didn't even have a music player with me. But the simplicity of the place intrigues you. I went to my maternal grandparents' place after this.I used to go for a walk everyday with my grandmom. First really amusing thing i noticed. Everyone knows her. I mean everyone. They willingly smile and not those politely fake ones you usually get to see. Also these are people who are really curious and will not let the curiosity remain for too long. This inquisitiveness which is considered rude anywhere even near to metropolitan is so common place there. The first day that I accompanied her, this is how the conversation went.

Person: *smiles*

Grandmom:*smiles*

P: is that your granddaughter?

G: yes, it is

P: Where does she stay?

G: Mumbai

P: Daughter's daughter or son's daughter?

G: Daughter's daughter

P: how long is she staying here? why hasn't she come for so long?

and it goes on and on.

But when this happened, it really didn't seem rude or irritating. They were very genuinely interested as a matter of fact and not as gossip to spread although I guess that would eventually happen. This question answer session happened at least twice everyday in the first few days of my visit there.

Also, another highlight point of this visit. It was me alone. When you go alone, trust me, its a really different experience. They are people who now look at you as a young adult which seldom happens when you're at home. And I got to actually know what they think, what they feel about things, what they miss, I don't know how to explain.

Its like, I've always known them as people who tell your mom, "let the kids enjoy, why are you scolding them "type. But this time, it was a more of an emotional journey, them actually letting their hearts out to me about so many things.

And yes, I love such nature pics, so my attempts at trying to capture some good ones, you'll see here.

And after those 2 amateurish attempts, the feeling that I may not get to draw these kolams again, I actually attempted a difficult one. Kept getting hit on my head by the branch of the champa tree. Big time back ache and stiffness by the end of the evening.But the satisfactory feeling is impossible to describe. I was beaming with happiness and this is one of the difficult ones which it seems my mom and mausi didn't attempt when they were my age. Ha! My grandfather's aangan was decorated with three of these.

 Not to forget, my dadi was assured I am still a tamil girl to some extent when she heard me sing, something in which she had lost hope for some time. My nana and nani are big time aficionados of carnatic music. Every time I hummed any song I've learnt, my grand dad would start singing a song in the same raagam, picking up my tune so fast. Its amazing really when someone does that. Now I definitely need to write a post about my association with music.

So, all in all, a wonderful trip and totally worth missing the first week of college. I don't know when I'll be back in these places but I'm truly happy I didn't miss the opportunity when I got it. So that's the end of the long account of my stay there. I had great fun, hope you had fun reading too.

P.S. More pictures would have been there but for the fact that the usual blossoming flower and fruit plants in nani's place were just recovering from a stupid disease that came from america. Also, due to the delay in rains over there, the usual champa tree with 300-400 flowers didn't bloom as usual in july. Have made my grandparents promise that they will send those pics to me. Once that is done, the pics will be uploaded and I promise you, its a sight you just should not miss.

Kolam!

Today is the 1st of the month Aaddi in tamil calendar where you not only get to eat delicious food which includes vadai, payasam, etc, one thing you will find common among tamil households are the huge kolams right outside the house. For the unenlightened, kolam is tamil form of rangoli and is more about the intricate design than the colour.

*edit* Also, it is believed that since these kolams are made using rice paste, our ancestors believed they provide food for the insects on the ground. What a noble reason for something decorative :D *edit*

Its good in a way that I missed first week of college so that for the first time in my life, I have a huge area in front of my grandparents' house to do it and I didn't miss the opportunity.

I thought I knew how to do it and refused any advice from my grandmother. Well, I did mess it up a bit but for a first timer , I think it was good enough.

And then as the old saying goes, practice makes man perfect. As also does advice from an expert. I finally conceded in asking my nani who insisted that I first draw it on paper, showed me the way about it and I knew it by heart while doing it on the ground.

I feel real nice to have used this opportunity. Now I will go back to living in my flat satisfied that I did attempt what I love doing most. :D

Quijjing

        My association with quizzing rather not quizzing has been evident the whole of my school life. Every time I was to go for a quiz, either it got cancelled or teachers just never mentioned again or it was over. (yes, this indeed happened once) All that while , my sister got every opportunity to go for a quiz. In one of the city level quizzes, she reached the semi finals. Another quiz at school, the team got a trophy and even chocolates!!

So, I just resigned to fate that quizzes will never ever be a part of my life in spite of being influenced by watching BQC every sunday and knowing that my school isn't great enough to appear there.

Then I came to Sardar Patel with the thought of slogging all 4 years. On the contrary, the 3rd sem I happened to find that our college had a true blue quiz club SPQC started by quiz crazy students Chinmay, Rohit and Siddharth and quizzes were being held the whole past year. And in spite of the popularity in the SE CMPN class, we didn't even get a whiff of it! Reason- Class too crowded(sniff,sniff).

Luckily the committee I was in organized a quiz and I happened to be a part of it. My God, the enthusiasm in the air, those heated discussions, those friendly pokes at the other team when they didn't get an answer, those wrong guesses which always make you laugh, I became a fan in those 2 hours.

And I decided that to make up for the 2 sems I missed, I decided I'll make it a point to be regular from 4th sem. You see, when you are denied an opportunity your whole life and you get it, you will do anything to grab it then. So I entered the class sheepishly cuz I knew I would be bad at answering. We got only one question right.Most of the others we skipped or didn't guess cuz we thought it might be wrong. But when we were told the answer was correct, the joy is just unfathomable.

As I regularly stated attending more of them, I realized quizzing is hardly about answering correct. Its that feeling when you know you know the answer, its on the tip of your tongue and without realizing you blurt it out. Its that amazement when you see the answer to a question which was so smartly phrased. Its that momentary excited happiness when you guess and it turns out to be correct. Its never about losing. Cuz at the end of a quiz, you know so much more. You realize so many things were right under your nose but you just didn't look at it.

Why this post all of a sudden? Well, I'm making my own quiz right now. Everywhere I see I find quiz questions. My gmail drafts are filled with plausible questions and so is the note in my mobile phone. I read something and I think, ok..this can be a quiz question. But I think my quiz is gonna end up being one of the most easiest ones, nothing challenging as such but its nice to give people ego boosts when they find they can answer so much.. :P

So now I'm a big quiz fan too! I still suck at answering but I can't wait for thursdays to come. And I think the journey will continue :D

Birthday time!!!

                     It's that time of the year again where the month itself is so special to me. Yes, My birthday is arriving!!! To think of it, there is nothing in a birthday. You are just getting a year older and how narcissistic is it to celebrate your own presence in the world!

But then, birthdays tend to become so much more than that and so wonderful too. For a first, its a day where one person less is sad about the different worries in life most probably. Its a day you smile just because its a day surely not unique, but really special to you. The thought of the birthday is enough to make your day. Your sister waking you up at 12 and wishing you is a memorable thing in itself.

Birthdays in my home have always been very simple. No grand party after I was 3. A reason to buy new clothes. A reason to choose between a chocolate truffle and Black Forest cake. Those calls from your grandparents filled with blessings. Those calls from your cousins which let you talk to them after a very long time.
School was just another day with friends who remember wishing you and no distributing of chocolates cuz its so childish. But I still used to be so happy. No frills, no gifts, just a day which seemed special just because you felt so.


Then in college, I realized the joy of giving a treat. For those of you with raised eyebrows, the treat was shared. (:P) But still, it was my first best birthday of my life with wonderful friends. The treat was a simple one at the very humble Bhavan's canteen, but still as always are the first ones, it is memorable.

Also, came the joy of receiving a gift. Really, the gift is nothing in comparison to the emotion on  the friends' faces when you see the gift and say you love it. The best part is they are so happy to give it( at least they look like it) and also that everyone around you is also so happy in spite of it being only your birthday. Especially when they have planned surprises too. Being one of the people who is at the forefront in planning other birthdays, it is so exciting to plan stuff and wait to see the glee in the birthday boy/girl's eyes on having had so much to look forward to. Every time you see the card or the gifts you were gifted, you can't help but smile at how wonderful a day it was and how lucky you are to have such wonderful friends. Last time, even in my supposed "thank you" speech to my friends, I said they themselves are the best gifts I could have asked for and I couldn't have meant it more.

Even the call at 12 which is usually a conference which extends for hours is a wonderful memory in itself. So much laughter, so much happiness at times. It is really a good thing to celebrate birthdays just for the sake of that momentary happiness.

So, what do I realize while waiting for the birthday while will define my last year of being an teenager? It's one day of the year you can really call yours and not only  get all the attention( which is very rare in general in my case) and you think you are really popular and everyone loves you ( :P) but also enjoy the presence of friends whose presence itself makes you feel loved (in reality :P) and make it the one day where you thought "My life is the best anyone could have asked for." Cheers to life!

My first ever concert

                                              What a day! The maths exam had to be the last one to end as the best examination of the semester!! Also, what I experienced after that is something unforgettable and wonderful in its own way. I again thank Srinath for inviting me and Nisha for the concert, the main reason for this post.


So, I start with my association with Carnatic music.I have been born and brought up with carnatic music. Literally. Considering my father sang all the famous carnatic songs to put me and my sister to sleep till I was about 7 years old. Even when I started learning in the 2nd standard( although that teacher shifted her house in a year :( ) , my grandmother tells me I used to play the simple notes I learnt on the casio and sing along at that age. However, luck came my way and I have been able to continue learning something I am just so passionate about. Also, listening to music is always delightful , beyond doubt; but to discover the same peace, content and happiness in your own voice, it is nothing but pure magic.


So, listening to concerts which appear on TV is something I always do. But the same thing live!!. I had never imagined I would do that so soon. So Srinath told us about this concert which is a tribute to the great composer Thyagaraja on the day he attained samadhi which happens in lots of places, was happening at shanmukhananda hall and that his mother was a part of it. He invited us and we readily agreed. But we didn't know or rather realize how much that "yes" has an effect on us now.


It is pure bliss to listen to even one  musical instrument being played accompanied by a wonderful voice.But, we had more. We got to listen to 8 veenas, 8 violins, 2 flutes, 3 mrindangam( something like a dholak), 3 gatham (it is a pot used as a percussion instrument) and 50 singers together in harmony  singing the best composed songs with such devotion, that it cannot be expressed in words. One advantage of it being a live concert was I could see everyone's faces unlike on the tv where they concentrate on a select few. Each singer was lost in what they were singing; absorbed in their own world. There was this mridangam player who smiled throughout the concert when he played.The other player alternated between the ghatam and mridangam and was practically having a conversation through the instruments they both were playing. Two of the veena players sang so peacefully as they played. There was an almost 75 year old lady playing the veena!! Talk about loving music.


And me??? Oh well, I was taken back to the time when my dad used to sing these songs. I knew everyone of the 5 songs that they sang. But all the more , that was the reason I was so mesmerized. I was one with all of the people present in the hall, savouring every note that fell on my ear, every beat in company. It was a divine hour and I really couldn't clap after any song because I felt this music was way beyond something for which claps satisfy what I felt. I could have really cried with that overflowing emotion. I just didn't want it to finish. I was numb . And I can keep describing how I felt because words don't do the job.

I must say, it was the best thing that I could ever do in my life. ever. Gives me another reason to love the fact that I am learning this wonderful art. Something so divine just cannot be explained. You have to experience it.
So a big thanks again to Srinath for that wonderful experience and Nisha for accompanying me till Andheri station :).

 And so I am inclined to end this post with a thought that will never change; what we feel when we listen to music is just something we are blessed with. Cherish it as I go back to the reverberations of yesterday's peace.