Before the high wears off

It's not the end of the semester. Hell, it is not even close. But well, I just got done with both my midterms today! I'm listening to Pearl Jam while writing this before people start discussing the midterm and I figure all the places I made stupid mistakes in. I just want to enjoy today and kinda think about the time that has been the last two months. I am finally here. Living my dream. After all of that crying, waiting, hoping ( du du du du du .. sorry, that song just came right up) for way way too long. I don't think I really believed it until my plane was about to land at Detroit and I almost wished it didn't because suddenly it was way too overwhelming with my hair standing on end.

But like it turns out, I didn't really have any getting used to studying or getting back to studying, it felt as natural as wearing a jacket. It never felt weird, it just did not. And I don't know if I am speaking too soon, but honestly, I don't think I've been happier in three years. I haven't felt this alive in so damn long. I just haven't.  I'm not saying there aren't tough times and doubtful times, lord knows I've had quite a few of them in just this small duration. But still, at least I don't feel listless. At least, I don't feel like my brain is rotting away while I just get by.

I had decided that I would try and let go of my past and all my disappointments and unfulfilled expectations and hope for this to be a fresh start. Fresh start, this word has been abused so often, and I think we tend to want these a little too often. But the lines have been pretty blurred. It didn't feel like a whole new beginning or whatever, it feels like a continuum of sorts. And I'm writing this knowing that if I suck at my midterm, I am gonna hate myself (clearly, I can't stop thinking even if I want to!) but whatever I said is true either way. So I am at peace, at least for today.

And Ann Arbor has been super welcoming. (At least that's what it leads you to believe until winter, is it? Or maybe, after winter, I might say eh, that wasn't so bad, I hope!) With all of its honestly unbelievably pretty places that have got me wondering "Really? Do I actually call this place my home now?", I love it. There are squirrels scurrying around digging up random places. There is this family of deer that walks past as though it doesn't give a shit about anyone who stares at them and smiles and chuckles and laughs and wonders about clicking photographs (a.k.a me). Why, I even spotted a skunk (and stayed far away, just in case :P). I hope I don't stop getting amazed at these things, it makes those tired walks to college something to look forward to. And fall is just so beautiful, so damn beautiful. It feels sad to see trees being barren but it also makes me look forward to the leaves growing back in spring. :)

When someone asks me what is it that I want to do or study and what I see myself doing, I actually don't know. The last few times I was so sure of doing something, it always changed and then I was stuck. Right now, I think I have an idea of what I would like to do without the details or even that one sentence description, and I think I have come to figure that sometimes, that's actually good enough. But one thing I do know, is that I want to make a difference. I want to learn the depth and not swim in the shallowness that is Jack of all trades.

It is a rainy morning here (yes, this post is continued over two days), and rain as always gives me a sense of calm with the whooshy sounds of the wind and pitter patter that feels familiar. The sky is overcast and the place looks just so beautiful. Not an average studying day at all. But I think I should get back to my books.

What it looks like outside my window!

This song kinda seems perfect for the weather, it's smooth, it's comfortable, it just glides beautifully in the background. I think Pink Floyd is perfect for too many situations. That being said, a few poems are in the works, so I shall return to this space very soon. :)

Blyton, my first love

SO I found the book First term at Malory towers on one of my colleague's desks and I happily borrowed it. Thought it's gonna be lying somewhere as a memory of what I used to love reading when I was young but before I knew it, I couldn't keep the book down and I had finished reading it, for I think the millionth time maybe and that nice feeling doesn't escape me.

I think I should be thankful to my mom that she introduced Enid Blyton to me and my sister right when we were 9 and 7.These books despite being written so long ago still manage to bring out exactly those emotions that a kid needs to grow up in the right way. I remember the first time I read Malory towers. My thoughts resonated with Darrell's so much, I thought it couldn't be possible. Right from being the studious girl to having a younger sister who adores her and being straightforward and kind, reading the book reaffirmed that I was doing it right. All those incidents that bring out the best and worst in a person puts you through all those thoughts and for me then, it was a life changing experience, though I never realized that until this very moment. (After that,recently Fountainhead has lived to be the life-changing experience for me, if I haven't forgotten any other book. )

 Must say the same about Harry Potter, that I was lucky to have read (well, at least the first three books before it became a not-so-ideal-book per se) at exactly the times Harry Potter was the same age as me with every book that released. And those ideals that a teenager learns through those books, I don't know if it would have been the same experience had it been real life. But it made me remember that I wanted to go to Malory towers much before I wanted to go to Hogwarts.

Sometimes I wonder if I missed a lot when I missed the hostel/dormitory life. Not that I regret what I had, but these stories make it sound so lovely, it would have been worth a shot.

But I know one thing. Kids need to read these kind of books before they are exposed to Twilight and Vampire diaries and all that trash that I wouldn't even know the names of. THESE are the books that help you make decisions about yourself though you never realize that you did so. And these decisions last a lifetime. They define your very persona. Sigh, just how much I love this book.

If and when I do have kids, I think I have my ideal first book for them.

Got to get the remaining five and read those as well.

P.S. Very random this is, I know. But I just decided to write about it before the feeling melted away.

P.P.S. If you haven't read it, maybe you should try it, quite the recipe for a happy after-feeling :)

Don't bother

Seriously, don't bother reading this unless some calamity has occured and you are absolutely bored and having nothing to do. Even if that is the case, you may not read it.

Whenever I saw blogs and those random posts, I would think how can someone desecrate their blog with posts like these when they have written such retrospective, beautiful pieces of work. But then, fatalism is hard at work I guess. It had to happen to me too. Like all others.

Do not even get close to thinking that I am suffering from the age old complaint that all bloggers have: WRITER'S BLOCK.

On the contrary, I have so many things on my mind, so many things to write about, just that I am forced to prioritize and give more attention to an exam that is just 5 days away. Writing this wouldn't involve me thinking too much nor would I spend too much time wallowing in emotion and not realizing how time flies while I write something that has touched me. Also, I'd rather not spend too much time in front of the computer screen cuz invariably in studying for GRE, I continuously stare at the screen reading passages that are sometimes really interesting speaking about pre historic earth and astronomy else they are just paragraphs that I usually avoid reading if I come across them anywhere else. I must say this exam has made me appreciate formal writing, even if most of it goes right *zoop* above my head, the way they talk about it, it does make the least amount of sense.

Anyway, I'm relieved I did write something that was not formal, that did not behoove me to use GRE words (Yes, I did realize the conspicuous use of GRE words but trust me, these ones came instinctively to me, not forced :P )

This is just a short post written for self satisfaction and to show the world( and myself), this blog ain't dead yet! (Too much dramatics, but God, I need change, real bad )

 I assure you that long winded posts about various stuff will be BACK! :P

Till then, God bless! Have fun