A magical feeling

They enter this really fancy restaurant. One of the best in the city. She is dressed for the occasion; the kohl in her eyes more accentuated than usual, a slight hint of lip gloss and those lips that seem like they could break into a smile at any moment. She is wearing the most magnificent dress she has ever owned. It is a special occasion, of course. She sees one of those thinner women pass by, those that made her feel not too good way too long ago, a feeling she barely remembers now. She starts adjusting her dress trying to hide her inconsistencies, still unconscious of her actions, lost in her awe of the place. She feels a tug at her arm. She turns, only to find him mouthing the words "Do you know how beautiful you look tonight?" The smile travels from her heart right up to her face and she walks past, noticing only then, how the people around hadn't stopped staring at all.

He has no idea what she has in store for him. It feels like a typical dinner to him, something they did often enough. She stands up, not answering the curiosity that is his eyes. She goes right to the pianist who is playing Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata'. She had known this was a restaurant that had a pianist playing and it was partly the reason why she chose this place. She wants to jump with joy at the sight of the grand piano but what she wore and what she intended doing, requires elegance. She recognizes what he plays, smiles her signature smile and whispers something in his ear. The pianist smiles while he slowly ends the song. She looks at her beloved, blows him a kiss, so graceful that all the Miss Worlds would be put to shame. She and the pianist exchange a look and she begins to sing.

"The first time.... ever I saw your face"

The expression on his face changes instantly. He already knows what he is going to say to her when they go home. He continues to listen, his eyes not for one moment, away from her.

"The first time..... ever I kissed your mouth..... I felt the earth move in my haaa ....and".

She relives the moment as she enunciates each word. She wants to laugh, the earth had indeed felt like it was moving, though beneath her feet. She was in a daze that night. They both had felt that feeling for too long. It was just waiting to happen. That perfect moment she wouldn't give away for anything. That hesitation. That anticipation. And then that overwhelming feeling that finally burst at the seams, giving way to something so beautiful, something so precious.

He hasn't forgotten that either. He still remembers the first time he met her. How he fell in love with her constant chatter. With her voice. With her kindness. She brought hope to his hopeless life. She brought life into his lifelessness. She brought just so much happiness. She came with an amount of love that is unfathomable in a human being.

""...ever I lay with you, I felt your heart so close to miii...ine..."

It was a party at a friend's place. A crazy one at that. She had come out to stand, a little buzzed, that peaceful happiness because it was that beautiful a night. He came out too, with a coke and whiskey in hand. The wind was cool and blowing against her face. She closed her eyes to feel all that nothingness. The peace in being alone. He didn't interrupt her. She heard his footsteps. Usually, she would want to enjoy this moment by herself. But today, she somehow didn't mind his presence. She slowly turned to look at him and smiled. They could still hear the music from inside the house. She looked up and then at him and said "My dad once told me how the Big Dipper rotates clockwise about the North Star." He smiled and said "Anti-clockwise" Her immediate reaction was to oppose it but instead, she said "Let's wait and check, shall we?" The alcohol had begun to hit her a little, or maybe it was sleep, but she sure was surprised that he knew enough to comment at all. They lay down on the grass, which they might not have on another day. And they spoke for so long, it felt as though time had stretched itself to let them feel the depth of it all. He suddenly pointed upwards, "You see, it just moved to the left of the North Star. I told you." He had a smile on his face, not the smug kind but the self-satisfactory one, of having been proved right. She chuckled. She wasn't the kind to mind being proved wrong, in fact, she appreciated it. She stood up and dusted the back of her dress, "Let's go back in?" He was surprised, a little disappointed at the sudden dismissal, the sudden end to their seemingly unending conversation. He hid his disappointment, looking down while getting on his feet "Yeah, I guess". He had already decided, he had to get to know this girl a little more. Little did he know, at that moment, she was thinking the very same thing.

And they both are back to the present. She still can't believe she is indeed standing here. Singing to him. The song that she has wished to sing for so long. She wishes she could explain to him just how much she loves him. How he brings out the best in her. How his presence is all she needs to forget that an entity called sadness even exists.

"Your face... your face"

He takes a few steps towards her. He doesn't know if he wants to let her finish or catch her unawares in an embrace. He decides to wait, still mesmerized in her voice. She finishes singing the last note to that song and before she can even turn to look at him, he already has her in his arms, while she feels his face against her own. She phases in, to hear people applauding and she breaks away from him to thank the pianist.

"You can never wait, can you?"
"Didn't I wait too long already?"

They laugh and the camaraderie they share is impossible to not want for yourself.

The pianist by then, had moved on to Unchained Melody. He holds out his hand with a question on his face.  She grins, "Could I ever say no to you?".

She places her hand on his shoulder, his hand around her waist. And they dance away, moving slowly to the song, to their own rhythm, in their own world, while the rest watch on.

Author's note:
I had gone to watch X-Men a few days ago. The first of the series that I have ever watched. Besides loving the movie and falling in love with the younger Charles Xavier *sigh*, this song brought back the intimacy and emotion that it is. I had first heard this two years ago and fallen head over heels, I could not believe a song could be this beautiful. And with my emotional upheaval in the past few days, I think this had to happen. I really really love that I managed to write this. It has made me so happy. Maybe, it is too good to be true, but indulging in something once in a while ain't too bad, is it? And I hope, one day, I too shall sing this to my beloved. :)

Sex And The City

That's what we called ourselves. Weirdly, only two of us being the faithful fans, me who lost interest within the first season (that too was a lot, I think it lasted because of Namrata's influence) and Ashwini who still has no clue about the show at all. Of course, a year ago, I would have cringed to be referred to as that, just as much as I cringed about taking selfies and clicking photographs wherever we go, but I guess I have come to love them after all. Because it wasn't about references. It was about the people I had come to love. It was just a way of identifying ourselves and never the identity by itself. The feeling of knowing I belonged somewhere. We came from different places, struggling to find our place here, honestly not knowing how to go about life and waiting for the day we could get rid of this place. The four of us being brought together, was light at the end of a dark tunnel. For each of us. In one way or the other, this group made us believe that life as we knew it in Hyderabad (dead), had ended. This city didn't suck anymore. And it's because of them.

There is something about having girlfriends. The last time I had them, they were just about the only friends I had ever had in my life. They're the ones you need, the only ones to whom you can show your vulnerable side, the side that you judge yourself about, the one where you want to cry, not because you're a stupid girl but because, to be strong to everyone else, you need to be able to tell someone it's not easy. Those to whom when you tell how you felt when someone hurt you, they go “I know!” and you know they know it; and for once you are thankful you aren’t screaming your lungs out or giving up on trying to explain it. Where hugs came whenever it was needed, without even the mention of needing one. Where hugs were demanded too and they came the same way. If I could only explain how big a deal that is.

I'm not the kind who commands attention, forget asking for it. You won't find me making subtle (or not-so-subtle as so many I wish would realize) gestures to something I want someone to ask me about. I keep waiting until I am disappointed, as usual. But these girls, they filled me with love and over-the-top attention, jumping to my rescue the moment there was even a hint of disappointment about anything. There was this one time, where we made a sudden plan to go to 10D and I wasn’t wearing quite the appropriate clothes for the place. Usually, I would act as though it doesn’t matter but in my own head, feel bad about not looking as good as the ones around me. But these girls, Oh God, put me before themselves, gave me a dress to wear, put make-up on me (needless to say, something that I know freakishly too less about) and made me look just so good. The thing is, it isn’t even about dressing up. It is the fact that ‘they’ make you want to feel so good about yourself. I think for the first time ever in my life, and I mean it, I realized I no longer have an inferiority complex about myself, about the way I look. And I owe a lot of it to these girls. Honestly, I still have my days ( most of them really :P) where I’m wearing my loosest possible Beatles T-shirt, earphones plugged in and walking around like a duck in my worn out blue Nike chappals ( those that Eshita absolutely detests and has been waiting for the moment to throw away :P), but I’m sure when I say I have come a long way and I’m a lot more Preetish* about it, they agree. :)

Of course, all of our night-outs, the breakfasts after, those times when things were said without having to think twice, all those confessions, interventions, the most embarrassing stories and to laugh at them within ourselves( yes, yes, you can give up on raising your hand now!). The compliments I get from my girls does more than its worth of share, who the hell needs a boyfriend for that! And that we manage to paint a very very boring town red, I believe, is an achievement in itself.

This was such a lovely place, and such an awesome lunch :)

They never let me feel left out ever. I never had to try to fit in. There was never the dearth of love. They made me feel important even though it probably wasn't my time to feel so. This Thursday was amazing in more ways than one. It had the one thing that all four of us love, karaoke. There was just so much happiness. And I knew in that moment, when Namrao entered and we were all hugging and being all excited, singing those songs; that they would always be there for me, despite all my weirdness, those with whom I can be free, to take care of me when I'm down, to assure me that life would always get better and to never give up on me irrespective of what happens.

Few things come to my mind when I think about them. Ashwini's face with her crinkled up nose when she is so happy when her favourite song turns up. Eshita, with all of her innocence and sweetness and yet all that threatening you never knew she had in her, and yet all that caring you would die for. And of course Namrata, it doesn't matter that you are stinky and sleepy, you have to put that liner and lipstick on when she hands it to you, no questions asked.

Today, Ashwini left Hyderabad to follow her dreams; and there was a void that was suddenly created. The three of us were looking so awkwardly at each other, feeling the same thing. But we had always known this moment was coming. Where each of us would leave to follow our respective paths and dreams. That we spent so much time together and made it worth all that while, is what matters. Be it dancing (or should I say twerking :P) to Scream and Shout, discussing GRE words, fake Christmas, dressed up lunches or even making a failed outing into an awesome party at home with disco lights using the flash of a phone, we have done it all. For me, it has been one of the most special inexplicable bonds ever. I love you girls just so much. I can already see us in the future, meeting over lunch, obviously dressed well( do you believe I just said that?! :D) and talking about our husbands, kids, work and life that would be then. Until then, SATC shall be remembered fondly, and to which I dedicate this song in memory of all our 10D visits.

*Preetish - Defined as the level of excitement that only Preeti Ramaraj has ever been capable of displaying, irrespective of whatever it may be. Did I get it right? :)