Until the last moment

I thought I wasn't going to write about this. For multiple reasons. But then, just when I entered the lift of my building, after the crazy Bangalore trip, 'Renegade' started playing. And I was taken to another world, nothing out of the ordinary considering the volume at which it was playing on my earphones.

It suddenly dawned upon me. I just saw these people, in their flesh. I heard them play all those songs that I know, moment by moment, sound by sound. I remembered how I felt when they began playing, I could not believe I was sitting there. I had tears beginning to form in my eyes with every song that he played. Because I realized just how much those songs meant to me. I looked at all the members, the videos of whom I have grown up with, capturing every moment in my head, telling myself, this is something I never believed would happen. Honestly. We laughed, we cried, we swayed, we were lost, we screamed and boy, did we shout. Those whorl of emotions. My God.

It reminded me of a time when I was 7-8 years old. My dad would leave for office at 8.30 a.m. And he would be busy doing his daily pooja and other such rituals. The moment it struck 8 and he was finished with those, he used to play a few songs on the audio system while having breakfast. Loud. And 'Love is all' was one of them. Every day. My sister and I knew the words to the song only because of that. And we would sing it, everyday, along with him, never getting bored. And our mom would look on, smiling, going about her work. There was actually a lady in the opposite building who identified us as the family from whose house she could hear this everyday. :P

To have been able to watch this along with those very people, with whom you discovered each of these songs, just how much it moves you, to have been even present in that moment, God, I always thought it not possible. But it was. A dream come true. And I only hope that this is the beginning of many things to come. An out-of-the-world experience indeed :)

In the backyard

The place where it all began :)

In the natural darkness,

Not split by anything unknown to nature,

There are sounds, and there are shadows,

Shadows of the trees, that have been here all their life,

Rustling away in glory,

And yet that unprecedented silence.

Wait, I can hear nothing,

And when I think that is going to be it,

A cool wind touches my face,

Graces my hair,

And goes away without leaving a trace,

Or maybe it just did,

A memory of something that was 

Momentarily wanted, felt and dismissed off.

And then there is a feeling,

Of thoughts rushing to my head,

And then the one, of me pushing it away,

Because the emptiness that is lacking everywhere else,

The place where you as an individual do not matter,

Hardly would you find it,

And when you do, mustn't you appreciate it as a whole?

Feel yourself as the only one and no one at all.

Feel alive and away from all that you must do, all that is expected of you.

You want to be free from 

Feeling, thinking, knowing, being, wondering, living, dying.

This is but a pause,

A much needed pause,

Before it feels misused,

Or overused,

To realize the insignificance yet the urgency of it all.

To believe in the existence of human as a being as well as the one trained to be manipulative like a machine.

Let it drown you,

Let it flow through you,

Breathe in and breathe out,

And stop letting this screen that is helping you write mess with the nothingness,

After all, haven't we entered this world with nothing?

And when it feels most natural,

Absorb it,

Until you have to get back, to the lacking world with artificial lights et al.

All you have to do, is be.