In retrospect

Maybe it is too early for me to write something like this. It is the perfect topic to write on once I leave college when I'm teary eyed and all with fond memories. But then this seems to be the most happening year of engineering, I mean literally. This is the year in which the legendary IEEE committee was, those who knocked us off our feet with their awesomeness, panache and the first time we would have ever thought we respect our seniors. It used to be a proud thing for us in 1st year to boast that I know a 3rd year person or even better, they know you.

And to think, now the first years would look at me that way. I'm definitely not an epitome of respect the way my 3rd year seniors were, but I guess it kind of makes you feel matured when you see them. When you are in 2nd year, it still doesn't dawn upon you that you are seniors with your focus being on ragging and freshers' and volunteers and Oh my God, things which seem alien to me now. FEs in spite of being just 2 years younger than me seem like kids.


And the blog, I don't really know what to say. In my first year, I remember being amazed by Pratap's blog, so amazed that someone could write about things so deep, that someone could even write so much. I had thought this blog would just be a description of events in my college, fun things that happen in life but its much closer to my heart right now and for the last recent posts, its been about me. I never thought it would become so thoughtful but I guess its all a phase. Although one thing that never seems to change is the length of my posts :P. A big thank you to all those who brave through the lengths of my posts and make an effort to comment about it. My dream finally coming true. :D

Also, in 3rd year, suddenly I seem to be talking to a lot of my seniors. Yes, I always did but it never came so easily to me,without the sense of thinking "they aren't in my class or year". Probably the thought of them leaving in a span of a year makes me feel I must make the best of the time they spend here.
Or maybe, 3rd year is when you learn what life is, its where you realize who you are, its when you decide who you want to transform yourself into and what path you will be taking and by the end of it, the definition of YOU is done. I'm not saying its the end of evolution, its the end of change but more or less, you know what you want to be at least in the current decade.

I keep seeing the SEs and wondering ok, this is who I was last year and when they speak to me, I feel like some old saint who has experienced life; speaking. The things that seemed so horrible and bad then seem so trivial now. And when they tell you what they feel, what they are going through, you only feel like smiling and saying, don't worry, this will pass but you have to face much more next year. My seniors tell me when I'm sad
 that this shall definitely pass and life is much better a year ahead. I sure believe them and probably this is why I speak more to them, we connect better when it comes to third year.

And photographs! We definitely underestimate them. There is a story behind EVERY one of those photos in your album. You are lost in that world when you see those. Probably at some point of time, you might feel a bit low that those days don't exist anymore. But then its all part of growing up. You may have something else altogether now that you appreciate.

And those are what I call friends. Didn't we have friends all this while, you may say. Of course we did. But to realize what they really mean to you, who they really are and to wonder if they even exist, I guess you need 2 years to know their worth. I do now, I suddenly feel blessed and loved, I suddenly realize that I have found the people who will accept me as I am. The like minded people I had spoken about in a long forgotten post. Just that they are much more than that now. They are the reason I exist.

If you have finished wiping your eyes(:P), another thing that I realized. You must be yourself, follow your heart. I have done that for 2 years. I have had the best as well as learning times in these 2 years. After that, when you hear some people, who you never expect to, say something honest about you, say they feel you are a nice person to know, say they trust you, accept what you say because YOU say it, promise to be there for you when you need someone and they are, it is the most heartening thing, the reason why you feel you should not change for the wordly ways. It is not that you have to act old just because you are 20. I guess I can keep those idealistic views, the optimistic way out to everything as that is what defines me.

If that kind of makes me vulnerable to the world, it really doesn't matter. If the world is not what I expect or want it to be, it doesn't matter. If I make a mistake unknowingly or I feel lost, it is fine. I have found my place. I have found my people. I have found love. I have found happiness. And that is the sign of the rising of hope again in my life. In retrospect, life is just beautiful. :)

What is the right way to live?

Rumours..Lies..they all have various ways of being interpreted..and various ways of originating.


Some of them are really harmless, stemming out of a doubt which occurs due to some events which happen pretty often. Like speculating if 2 people are committed. You keep seeing them together everywhere.You keep discussing with people till everyone in the college knows including them. They just have to accept or deny and it dies down. This has no consequences whatsoever, considering its an age where people are bound to be in a relationship.

But the others. The malicious ones. The ones that are meant to hurt. The ones that are meant to make someone feel bad. They are spread by people who bear malice towards something, someone. Those aren't white lies in the least,no sir. Those are dark ones, meant to be said. Its all because its relative. Instead of increasing what's good for them, they'd rather decrease what's good for the others. Finally, the comparison is what matters right??

This is done so subtlely that the affected don't realize it too soon. Or at times, subtlety is not called for. The result is what matters. Like my friend Srinath says, there is no good or bad, there is only point of view. I agree. That's why terrorists exist. What's good for them is bad for the world. But in my opinion , there is a little catch to this statement. What's good for the majority of the population is GOOD. But then its not always the majority that's right, is it?

Refine it even more. What is considered good in the deepest of the hearts of the majority of the people is GOOD. But is there any way of knowing it?? It is impossible. We ourselves don't know what we want and what we don't. How can we expect the world to know?

So what is it that we can do in such a situation? Listen to our hearts. Not block our conscience. According to me, most of the crimes that are committed are because people don't want to listen to what their conscience tells them. What it constatntly pricks them with. Even the "God will punish you" fear doesn't stop them anymore.

I am currently in a position where I can be a jingoist.( Light thought, learnt the new word from Shraddha, although it has a negative connotation) I should be lowering the position of people around me to raise mine. But I won't. I shouldn't . People say I will not survive in this big bad world if I don't adapt. ADAPT, they say. Be practical, they say. PRACTICALITY is going against your heart, is it? Now I agree with my friend Nisha. Practicality sucks, at least the way the world means it. Like point of view, even practicality has different meanings. For me, it is to be selfless. Do for others, do for yourself as long as you don't hurt the others. I think that is what God is testing me about. Whether I can do it. I guess too many people in my state. Another friend's status message read "I know God won't give me things that I can't handle. I just wish that God didn't trust me so much." I have to work hard, really hard to do things against what the majority of the people seem to feel. Go with my heart, do what my conscience asks me to do. Maybe I'm taking certain things too seriously. Maybe I should be doing this. Maybe not. I don't even know why I am writing this, or why I am posting this.


I was talking to a friend yesterday. he said he had become a God fearing person recently. He doesn't think in worldly terms anymore.I feel the same nowadays. Marks have become insignificant. It is the thought behind learning that matters. Winning has become insignificant. It is the effort that matters. A relationship has become insignificant. Its the love that matters. What you say has become insignificant. What you do is what matters.

People are deceptive, people are hypocrites, yet people are the reason anyone survives as long as we find the right ones to live with, the right ones to love. Rather, just love them, forget right or wrong.


Praising someone in front of them or when they aren't around is never wrong. Rather I suggest, you do it as soon as possible. We are hungry for love. Hungry for people for whom we matter. Its always better than saying something derogatory. You're never gonna be questioned about praising.

You may think this is all ideal. Of course it is. Just because one person thinks this way doesn't mean the whole world does. Or the whole world will. But think. Its the best way to live.

It is like a mistake committed unknowingly. The moment one feels it is a mistake and repents when it was done unknowingly, the person is forgiven, no strings attached. But if a mistake is committed knowingly, in order to hurt, any amount of repentance later makes no difference. Your point of view may have changed in all those years. But what's done is done right?

Well, writing this down makes me mind clearer. Makes me feel, I will succeed. I'll have no reason to repent later in life. I think its gonna be a long year ahead. But I have hope. I have friends, friends who will vouch for me, who will stop me from taking the wrong path, friends for whom me changing makes a big difference.

I just hope and wish I am remembered for every good thing that someone has felt about me and nothing bad. i think I can just hope.

Hope even in hopelessness

                   Hope, the word in itself is uncertain. Yet, it is the reason why so many people survive the most difficult times. They suffer, they pretend to have that smile, they accept everything wrong that happens in the hope that everything WILL be set right. I mean it is the outlook with which you look at hope which makes it positive. You may say its deceiving but there are times when it takes you from the brink of breaking down into pieces to achieving something which is unbelievable.

Hope is linked to optimism in many ways. I can always cite hope as a reason to why I'm found a positive person by most. It may be exasperating for many, my always happy attitude because life is meant to be bad, sad and not the way you want it. But hope will survive where greed doesn't . When you expect, hope has no place left. So you don't expect. Does that mean you're not confident of what is expected of you?

So, where does hope actually have a meaning? A place where expectations do not thrive. A place where the chance of a positive outcome seems bleak. But the mind is not weak. There is hope, it will happen. That's not all. You really must want it to happen. And you must hope for it to happen. It will.

And its not about you doing it. Its about how it is. Hope is where things are meant to be. If something has to happen, it will. You must hope. It may take a long time, years even, but when it happens, you must remember a time when you had thought this would never happen but finally it did. It is what makes you happy, satisfied to live.You may say certain things must happen soon but we expect all of them to do so, that's where greed enters.

But hope can have a negative connotation too. Sometimes, holding on to things which don't exist anymore with the hope they will change is deceiving. They may change but when you know its time to move on and you don't ,its plain foolishness.

 A very thin line differentiates optimism and foolishness. Its very difficult to identify it. During such times, you have to trust your instincts.

And it is during such times that you feel people are hopeless. You feel cynical. Finally, when you have to take a decision as to why it is all wrong, you'd rather not and hope. At this point of time, hope is for you to survive the negativity, to lead the path to people who you would even trust your life with. How much ever people say hope raises expectation, they are and always will be two different entities, one not to be confused with the other.

So hope for life, hope for joy, hope for trust cuz even if you don't realize, hope is the biggest wealth we have right now.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Now this makes me hopeful. Everything will be alright. God willing.