Growing up

                                      Its already two years of engineering. I can't believe my juniors will have their juniors coming in. My SEs are BEs now. I'm living in my home for the past 20 years.20!! I really can't believe. 10th standard seems a lifetime ago. 

Growing up is just so weird. Birthdays come and go, you keep counting your age but you never realize these are years passing by. I can't believe that when a person looks at me, I'm officially an adult, not the child I think I am. Bhaji wale people take me seriously when I argue about the cost, not like some years back if I did the same, I would be laughed off and I would end up buying the vegetables at their quoted cost( although I doubt I'm good at bargaining :P). When I walk on the road, what I would think has changed gradually but to a great extent. It is obvious it would, but you never realize it changing, do you? If you actually compare yourself now with what you were even 5 years back, you will be amused. There was a time when saying you were in 10th standard was a big deal. There was a time where you didn't even know 10th standard was so important.  Graduation was always much much later. Those days, people 5 years older than you were someone you could never imagine yourself to be one day. Now you would just not be thinking of that cuz you don't want these years to run away.There was a time when I used to hear my parents talk to someone and they would say that their son is in engineering or medicine, I would think, hmmm that's a long time away. Now I'm halfway through and the fact is barely registered in my mind.


When you were a kid all of 6 years, a person a foot taller than you and salwar kameez would translate into an aunty, now maybe a kid might think that about me! My cousin's marriage is round the corner. The first marriage of our generation. and I am next. Of course, that doesn't come before much time later but that's how it always seems,doesn't it?


I realize I have changed only when I actually think what I used to think. A problem in 4th standard was deciding which group to sit with when you are good friends with both of them. Now a problem would possibly be "Do I want to pursue an MS in A or in B?Can I even pursue one". Funny these changes are.

It is always that everyone around you is changing, growing but you, nah, you're still the same. And for a person like me who really doesn't look at the mirror(serious, I ask my mother whether I look decent enough to leave the house), I was surprised one day when I saw my face and I could see my seriousness, maturity whatever you call it, but I wasn't that innocent 10 year old anymore. It sort of sinked in..


How those different aspects of life morph into something different slowly and gradually is growing up and it really matters what you are developing into. Of course, your parents are majorly responsible but there are certain aspects which totally lie in your hands. You can always choose, to be that person who you idolized, not be a spoiled brat who you might scorn and may not realize, you're one yourself.

I think I'm always gonna be amazed at how my thoughts have changed over the years. And they will keep changing....

Red flowers on greeny leaves

I ventured out of my house after a very long time for a reason that wasn't exams. "Walking to school" memories came back to me. 6th standard. First year of morning school. I really never regretted waking up because I used to love to walk through the windy road surrounded by so many trees. I happened to remember my first inspiration to write poems. I used to love trees. I used to always want to be a nature poet like William Wordsworth. Rather I used to imagine myself to be one when I grew up. Talk about high aspirations. There is this huge tree which had red flowers and I was "inspired". And this is one of my first inspired "poems" (supposed) which I was so proud of for which I had even made a nursery rhyme kind of tune.

I found this again some months back written proudly in my book when I was seeing it with my friend. I was in splits of laughter just reading it, my friend alike. It's plain funny and shows how childish I was. I really couldn't resist putting it here. This was my first step to writing a poem. So, people who think they can't write a poem for nuts, hope your opinion will change after reading this :P. Hope you enjoy too.(Nisha, I think you'll enjoy this again :P )

Red flowers on greeny leaves,

How beautiful are they,

How much pain they take for this,

How much do we pay?

We don't get them for a penny,

But we get them for free,

Oh, And they are so sweet,

But still we destroy it.

The trees are broken down, the leaves are plucked,

Is this our gratitude to them,

So stop these things and start helping them,

How pleased they will be!

Red flowers on greeny leaves,How beautiful are they! :D

And the heart bleeds

                    A stethoscope around her neck. Kindness filled in her eyes. While her lips said something, her eyes connected with those of the child's at a much deeper level. The child invariably trusted her. A prick, he winced, but he didn't stop looking at her while the nurse went on with her proceeding. The child rushed off to the play area. "Don't worry, he will be fine, 2 years from now, he will be like any other healthy child." The lady's eyes were filled with tears of gratefulness. She could just hold the hands of the noble doctor and not thank enough. A wonderful husband, an angelic child, a noble profession. She was living a life of heaven.

She went out of her cabin to take her usual rounds.She entered the room. First patient. His mother seemed to have cried the whole day. She walked towards her and held her hand and said some comforting words. Her voice did the job.The mother already looked hopeful. The doctor saw his reports. Saw his name, saw his face. He looked really old for his age. She continued with her usual routine when he opened his eyes. He had an oxygen mask around his mouth. He tried to get up but she stopped him. Tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn't speak a word. He didn't need to. She understood, everything, everything he wished to say.

Her past came back to her.

There was emptiness all around. Yet, emotions choked her throat. She could never forget all those years of companionship. Tears usually came very easy to her. But today, it just wouldn't. The child she cuddled every day on her way to college looked at her expectantly. But she didn't notice. Even if she had noticed, she could barely have smiled. The road was too reminiscent of those memories. She was doing what she loved doing, today not feeling the same. The trees didn't seem to sway in happiness anymore. She had always feared this day would come. But never this soon.

She had invariably taken the wrong step. She should not have trusted so easily. Or maybe, she didn't. She just chose to ignore the fact that trust wasn't existent. She deceived herself constantly for those days of her life. He was the boy who everyone wanted to know. But he had eyes only for her. That's what he made every girl think, she thought. There was something about his boyish charm...But the more dangerous it is, the more attractive it seems. She just walked like a corpse having nothing to say more.

The reports were wet. Wet where those tears had fallen. He had no way out. He had no life left either,  it seems. He had to take the invariable step. He had to let her down. Those were promises which are to be kept for life, the ones he had to break. He would have gone against all odds to keep them, but when it wasn't in his destiny, he had to let go. It was hard. But he had made his heart into that of stone and did it, never to meet her again.


Fate is strange, does things you would never expect it to. That wasn't the final goodbye, that was not what was destined, she thought now. That night, it rained, hiding the tears in her eyes. Life was harsh, too harsh for words, but at least it didn't leave bitter memories. He had said his final goodbye and she had too. They went on to live in heaven, albeit different  ones in their own respect.