An ode to my classmates

And its over. It is very weird when you realize it wasn't just your last exam followed by holidays to meet the same people again in the new class when the weather is just fine with a few light showers and comments flying around. I realized that I probably am seeing some people for the last time in my life but for a random chance that I actually meet them.

I still remember how I entered this college. Knowing absolutely no one in my class. Having to start afresh. The excessive chappad chappad which irked too many. That awkward moment when I really don't expect to make any friends at all, didn't think I was good enough. And soo fat, I shudder to even look at those pics, God knows how they let me dance on stage.

But those associations were meant to happen. Those musical sessions were meant to make us bond. I never never knew the joy of singing live with people who love the same kind of music as you. Never thought something as silly as Orkut or Yahoo chats (ya, those times gtalk was still new somewhat) would get me so much closer to the people who I absolutely can't think of leaving right now. It started off with small things like eating in class during the principal's lecture really, seemed such a big thing then, now I'm sure she knew all along and just ignored the moving jaws in our closed mouths. Opinions about each of them has changed so drastically, they're the same people who really can't stop me from talking right now, irrespective of whether they have a choice really. The people who have gone from saying I sound like a pig fart to actually sitting and listening to me sing.(Yes I mean you harsh! ) They who have done SO many special things for me. For having made me feel so so special every possible birthday, that was a first, yeah. With whom both times of joy and sorrow were spent alike and just the presence mattered so much. Who kept talking about how I really don't belong to class considering the amount of time I spend outside of class (That calls for another blog post which shall happen soon too) but if anything would ever happen to me, they would be the first ones to pitch in and do everything in their stride to save me. Those random times spent with each of them, it is just so special I really really can't put it in words, not over here at least. I love them so much for always being there, for letting me take them for granted, those who I had said I wouldn't mind dying for 4 years ago and that statement is valid even now. (As Srinath says, time to get out my poem writing machine and enter all their names to belt out a poem for this very occasion :D )


These 4 years have been magical. Nothing short of magical. And now suddenly I feel exposed. I no longer have my college walls to protect me. No longer people who will take me and accept me for who I am, why even love me for being that person. No longer will I wake up in the morning knowing I am lucky to have made such amazing crazy friends in my own class despite all their idiosyncrasies and not to mention, rather majorly mentioning my own. Years may pass by, all those promises of keeping touch might be forgotten by many but I want everyone of them to know that I will forever be indebted to them for shaping my life to be what it is right now and I will always love them for having given me the most wonderful four years of my life.

Love, etc

Emotions are overrated they say. Love is overrated they say but its hardly so. We all struggle, our whole lives even, trying to find a purpose of our living..some of us make living for the people around us a purpose..and times when we're being ourselves,stupid, reckless,not knowing who we are,where exactly we are going, just sitting around letting life take its course,even though you may not know,perhaps you'll never realize,you would have been the purpose of someone else's life....someone who you would have taken for granted time and again...and you don't realize how much it matters until its gone..

I'm starting to analyze my life all over again. I've been living my life in phases,different phases with different people. It is all magical when it starts, all so natural, so effortless with promises of not letting it remain a phase; least of all a forgotten one. But beyond a point it takes so much of an effort to keep up with someone you love, the ease of it somehow lost in the midst of so many others that you may have met. Those feelings for the first ones hasn't gone really. It can't go. Emotions can't be lost like a pair of car keys, can they? It's just locked away in some part of your heart. But once it's gone it doesn't take more than a similar experience to unlock it all over again. But the awkwardness, the knowing what it was, knowing what it has become, knowing this is all but a futile effort save for a bleak ray of hope, THAT makes it difficult. You know you love the person but the amount of passion with which you did when it started seems so far away..How much you convince yourself that its the one thing you need to survive and how much of an effort you make to not let go of it when clearly at times there is nothing left to save. Will you still remember the unbelievable connection you both had or will you just let it hide behind the big wall of indifference that you have built in front of you?

It is so difficult to love one person forever. It is only a matter of time and situation that all the bad things about them stare right into your face. You forget all the good things that made you fall in love with them in the first place, those that never even let their faults come close to your sight forget your knowledge in the beginning. Don't tell me I am all wrong. It all takes effort, effort to hold on to the good times in spite of however bad a time you may be passing through.

Talking about bad times. The whole thing about being there for someone. Do you really mean it when you say you'll be there for someone whenever they need you? Maybe you do. But will you make sure that your said word is kept? Really difficult. Its so weird when you realize that all the promises made to you have always been empty and its that temporary pleasure, that moment then and there that matters when they actually say they'll be there for you. It's weird how forever usually means as long as the two of you find it convenient to "actually be there" for the other person. This love I tell you. It's weird. Sometimes you love a person so much it really doesn't matter beyond a point if they are there for you or if they even love you back or even make an effort to acknowledge your love. You just love. You're always there. Always make that special effort without even intending to. The very aspect of hanging around for someone for so long. Too romanticized it may seem but knowing me, I'm sure I'm gonna end up doing that.

And I'm not just talking about the "being in love" love. All kinds. Every relationship that you may have seen or have been a part of. Sometimes its as though this is what your life is all about and a career is just to sustain something like this. Sometimes you just build your life around the people who you love or who you assume/take for granted love you back. It is sometimes weird how dependency gives rise to love and vice versa. How much we want to be loved. How much we think that  it gives a purpose to our lives. Even if you feel worthless otherwise, nothing like knowing that someone somewhere cares about you and wants you to be happy is enough to inspire you to do something better. The one thing you think you need to survive and you really don't ever understand it all. Maybe that's the trick..The mystery keeps it up.

We probably will never know why we are here. Probably never know why some things happen only to us. Probably regret the position we put ourselves in at certain times or be happy that we did something for someone else despite what we feel. But we will continue to survive. And this love that I'm talking about, however bittersweet it may be, hopefully would be one of the reasons why life would no longer need to be survived but lived.

(For those of you wondering what triggered off such a post, it is this book called "One day" by David Nicholls that Ashmita suggested I read and what a wonderfully woven story it turned out to be. DO give it a read if you're in that typical mood as I am in right now)