In retrospect

Maybe it is too early for me to write something like this. It is the perfect topic to write on once I leave college when I'm teary eyed and all with fond memories. But then this seems to be the most happening year of engineering, I mean literally. This is the year in which the legendary IEEE committee was, those who knocked us off our feet with their awesomeness, panache and the first time we would have ever thought we respect our seniors. It used to be a proud thing for us in 1st year to boast that I know a 3rd year person or even better, they know you.

And to think, now the first years would look at me that way. I'm definitely not an epitome of respect the way my 3rd year seniors were, but I guess it kind of makes you feel matured when you see them. When you are in 2nd year, it still doesn't dawn upon you that you are seniors with your focus being on ragging and freshers' and volunteers and Oh my God, things which seem alien to me now. FEs in spite of being just 2 years younger than me seem like kids.


And the blog, I don't really know what to say. In my first year, I remember being amazed by Pratap's blog, so amazed that someone could write about things so deep, that someone could even write so much. I had thought this blog would just be a description of events in my college, fun things that happen in life but its much closer to my heart right now and for the last recent posts, its been about me. I never thought it would become so thoughtful but I guess its all a phase. Although one thing that never seems to change is the length of my posts :P. A big thank you to all those who brave through the lengths of my posts and make an effort to comment about it. My dream finally coming true. :D

Also, in 3rd year, suddenly I seem to be talking to a lot of my seniors. Yes, I always did but it never came so easily to me,without the sense of thinking "they aren't in my class or year". Probably the thought of them leaving in a span of a year makes me feel I must make the best of the time they spend here.
Or maybe, 3rd year is when you learn what life is, its where you realize who you are, its when you decide who you want to transform yourself into and what path you will be taking and by the end of it, the definition of YOU is done. I'm not saying its the end of evolution, its the end of change but more or less, you know what you want to be at least in the current decade.

I keep seeing the SEs and wondering ok, this is who I was last year and when they speak to me, I feel like some old saint who has experienced life; speaking. The things that seemed so horrible and bad then seem so trivial now. And when they tell you what they feel, what they are going through, you only feel like smiling and saying, don't worry, this will pass but you have to face much more next year. My seniors tell me when I'm sad
 that this shall definitely pass and life is much better a year ahead. I sure believe them and probably this is why I speak more to them, we connect better when it comes to third year.

And photographs! We definitely underestimate them. There is a story behind EVERY one of those photos in your album. You are lost in that world when you see those. Probably at some point of time, you might feel a bit low that those days don't exist anymore. But then its all part of growing up. You may have something else altogether now that you appreciate.

And those are what I call friends. Didn't we have friends all this while, you may say. Of course we did. But to realize what they really mean to you, who they really are and to wonder if they even exist, I guess you need 2 years to know their worth. I do now, I suddenly feel blessed and loved, I suddenly realize that I have found the people who will accept me as I am. The like minded people I had spoken about in a long forgotten post. Just that they are much more than that now. They are the reason I exist.

If you have finished wiping your eyes(:P), another thing that I realized. You must be yourself, follow your heart. I have done that for 2 years. I have had the best as well as learning times in these 2 years. After that, when you hear some people, who you never expect to, say something honest about you, say they feel you are a nice person to know, say they trust you, accept what you say because YOU say it, promise to be there for you when you need someone and they are, it is the most heartening thing, the reason why you feel you should not change for the wordly ways. It is not that you have to act old just because you are 20. I guess I can keep those idealistic views, the optimistic way out to everything as that is what defines me.

If that kind of makes me vulnerable to the world, it really doesn't matter. If the world is not what I expect or want it to be, it doesn't matter. If I make a mistake unknowingly or I feel lost, it is fine. I have found my place. I have found my people. I have found love. I have found happiness. And that is the sign of the rising of hope again in my life. In retrospect, life is just beautiful. :)