Surviving to live

 Dated: 9/7/10
            Sitting next to a DVD player which is supposedly a time bomb, about to burst in 3 seconds. Unlike movies, it doesn't strike me that I should throw it out of the window, it bursts but unrealistically I do survive. This was all a part of a dream before I got up from a lazy nap. This may all seem laughable but there was one thing I realized. Even though it was a dream, like I learnt from my PCT project, dreams portray your thoughts, fear, hopes, the actual ones. In the dream, I wasn't scared of dying. I was thinking that my life has been happy and i have missed nothing.

Maybe in reality, I won't think the same. But how many of us are satisfied with the life we are living. How many of us are really happy? We think life hasn't given enough for us to accept we are happy. We neither give life or people a chance. If you die the very next second, how any apologies do you owe people? You see,that's the problem. We will sulk and be a sourpuss until  the other person bows down and asks for forgiveness. But we wouldn't even think of it. If we did, problem's solved faster. But it never happens that way, does it?


You want a high end phone, you shout, you scream, your dad refuses. you say its a matter of prestige but is it?You would rather your friends know you rather than your phone.

Lets say you argue with your mom,some stupid reason. You shout, you bang the door shut and leave. What if its the last expression of yours that your mother happens to remember?

This may all seem a tad bit too negative but it all boils down to this. It is in our hands how we wish to perceive life, appreciate and enjoy it. It is how we try as much not to have a reason to let something end bad; even if it does, to change it, to at least try.You don't know why you are brought to this world,you just survive but why not try living. Why not find a reason to live, maybe that's the reason we are here, to find a meaning for our existence.

If you haven't spoken to  a friend for the longest time, now is the best time to do it. If you haven't told someone just how much they mean to you, its always best to let them know as soon as possible. There is no end to the good things you have never done for people and in my opinion, there is an unexplainable joy in seeing someone other than yourself happy. I guess its the joy of earning your place in heaven, if there exists one. So live life, love life cuz you may never know what the next second has in store for you.

Kolam!

Today is the 1st of the month Aaddi in tamil calendar where you not only get to eat delicious food which includes vadai, payasam, etc, one thing you will find common among tamil households are the huge kolams right outside the house. For the unenlightened, kolam is tamil form of rangoli and is more about the intricate design than the colour.

*edit* Also, it is believed that since these kolams are made using rice paste, our ancestors believed they provide food for the insects on the ground. What a noble reason for something decorative :D *edit*

Its good in a way that I missed first week of college so that for the first time in my life, I have a huge area in front of my grandparents' house to do it and I didn't miss the opportunity.

I thought I knew how to do it and refused any advice from my grandmother. Well, I did mess it up a bit but for a first timer , I think it was good enough.

And then as the old saying goes, practice makes man perfect. As also does advice from an expert. I finally conceded in asking my nani who insisted that I first draw it on paper, showed me the way about it and I knew it by heart while doing it on the ground.

I feel real nice to have used this opportunity. Now I will go back to living in my flat satisfied that I did attempt what I love doing most. :D

Bad 'Air' days

No, I dont mean flatulence ot burping(double eww) that all the boys seem to be proud of. Nor have I forgotten an 'H'.(Although being a girl, I should have spoken about that) I'll have to take you through a small flashback before that and you might guess what I mean.

I am blessed with a loud voice(the people around me are cursed though). Even my attempt to talk in whispers is in vain. My friend sitting 4 benches ahead of me could supposedly hear me do khus-phus in a lecture.An incident in school. I was to give a speech. The mike hadn't arrived yet. The students getting restless. My teacher called me, made me give the speech without the mike and well, I was audible to everyone.

Now, add the fact that I like talking, correction: love talking. I've been given many nicknames for the same reason. Another reason why I pity people around me. I don't stop even if people beg me to. It isn't in my character to do so. Believe me, I have tried to change but I just can't.

Thirdly, I am not shy. I make sure I am heard, very instinctively. I have to speak, else I'll go mad.My voice helps me too :P.

And then, I sing with a voice comparable to a frog's croak. Now, its just that the frog most of the time croaks in tune. And this I do too often i.e, when I am not speaking.So, you see, I really don't know how people talk to me or let me talk to them. I would just be exasperating.


And the day dawns when my friends' wishes are granted. The day when nothing but air escapes my mouth. My bad 'air' days. It's bad. Terrible. And this invariably happens the day I have reason to speak but I can't speak even the basic minimum. Consider today. I had an IEEE GD and some group activities which absolutely required me to speak. But what? Voice gone.


Consider our very first IV. Just before "The" play. Only hawa.
In school too, most of the times I entered an auditorium for a speech or a play, My voice would give me up. I have wondered whether it is exam laryngitis like exam fever but I don't even have stage fright,so its just bad luck the people around me have to bear my nonsense and not be able to listen when I might speak sense.

And ME!! God, it must be one of my worst days, when people cannot hear me and they make fun of my inability to talk(Although I must say they deserve the chance :P ) It is completely unacceptable to a person who already feels she croaks and the croak sounds worse when the throat starts repairing itself cuz of forced silence that I keep so that I can talk again.

So as I hope these days don't come too often ,you guys can sit hoping that this would last forever and ever and I assure you ,you aren't fortunate enough. :P

Quijjing

        My association with quizzing rather not quizzing has been evident the whole of my school life. Every time I was to go for a quiz, either it got cancelled or teachers just never mentioned again or it was over. (yes, this indeed happened once) All that while , my sister got every opportunity to go for a quiz. In one of the city level quizzes, she reached the semi finals. Another quiz at school, the team got a trophy and even chocolates!!

So, I just resigned to fate that quizzes will never ever be a part of my life in spite of being influenced by watching BQC every sunday and knowing that my school isn't great enough to appear there.

Then I came to Sardar Patel with the thought of slogging all 4 years. On the contrary, the 3rd sem I happened to find that our college had a true blue quiz club SPQC started by quiz crazy students Chinmay, Rohit and Siddharth and quizzes were being held the whole past year. And in spite of the popularity in the SE CMPN class, we didn't even get a whiff of it! Reason- Class too crowded(sniff,sniff).

Luckily the committee I was in organized a quiz and I happened to be a part of it. My God, the enthusiasm in the air, those heated discussions, those friendly pokes at the other team when they didn't get an answer, those wrong guesses which always make you laugh, I became a fan in those 2 hours.

And I decided that to make up for the 2 sems I missed, I decided I'll make it a point to be regular from 4th sem. You see, when you are denied an opportunity your whole life and you get it, you will do anything to grab it then. So I entered the class sheepishly cuz I knew I would be bad at answering. We got only one question right.Most of the others we skipped or didn't guess cuz we thought it might be wrong. But when we were told the answer was correct, the joy is just unfathomable.

As I regularly stated attending more of them, I realized quizzing is hardly about answering correct. Its that feeling when you know you know the answer, its on the tip of your tongue and without realizing you blurt it out. Its that amazement when you see the answer to a question which was so smartly phrased. Its that momentary excited happiness when you guess and it turns out to be correct. Its never about losing. Cuz at the end of a quiz, you know so much more. You realize so many things were right under your nose but you just didn't look at it.

Why this post all of a sudden? Well, I'm making my own quiz right now. Everywhere I see I find quiz questions. My gmail drafts are filled with plausible questions and so is the note in my mobile phone. I read something and I think, ok..this can be a quiz question. But I think my quiz is gonna end up being one of the most easiest ones, nothing challenging as such but its nice to give people ego boosts when they find they can answer so much.. :P

So now I'm a big quiz fan too! I still suck at answering but I can't wait for thursdays to come. And I think the journey will continue :D