Love, etc

Emotions are overrated they say. Love is overrated they say but its hardly so. We all struggle, our whole lives even, trying to find a purpose of our living..some of us make living for the people around us a purpose..and times when we're being ourselves,stupid, reckless,not knowing who we are,where exactly we are going, just sitting around letting life take its course,even though you may not know,perhaps you'll never realize,you would have been the purpose of someone else's life....someone who you would have taken for granted time and again...and you don't realize how much it matters until its gone..

I'm starting to analyze my life all over again. I've been living my life in phases,different phases with different people. It is all magical when it starts, all so natural, so effortless with promises of not letting it remain a phase; least of all a forgotten one. But beyond a point it takes so much of an effort to keep up with someone you love, the ease of it somehow lost in the midst of so many others that you may have met. Those feelings for the first ones hasn't gone really. It can't go. Emotions can't be lost like a pair of car keys, can they? It's just locked away in some part of your heart. But once it's gone it doesn't take more than a similar experience to unlock it all over again. But the awkwardness, the knowing what it was, knowing what it has become, knowing this is all but a futile effort save for a bleak ray of hope, THAT makes it difficult. You know you love the person but the amount of passion with which you did when it started seems so far away..How much you convince yourself that its the one thing you need to survive and how much of an effort you make to not let go of it when clearly at times there is nothing left to save. Will you still remember the unbelievable connection you both had or will you just let it hide behind the big wall of indifference that you have built in front of you?

It is so difficult to love one person forever. It is only a matter of time and situation that all the bad things about them stare right into your face. You forget all the good things that made you fall in love with them in the first place, those that never even let their faults come close to your sight forget your knowledge in the beginning. Don't tell me I am all wrong. It all takes effort, effort to hold on to the good times in spite of however bad a time you may be passing through.

Talking about bad times. The whole thing about being there for someone. Do you really mean it when you say you'll be there for someone whenever they need you? Maybe you do. But will you make sure that your said word is kept? Really difficult. Its so weird when you realize that all the promises made to you have always been empty and its that temporary pleasure, that moment then and there that matters when they actually say they'll be there for you. It's weird how forever usually means as long as the two of you find it convenient to "actually be there" for the other person. This love I tell you. It's weird. Sometimes you love a person so much it really doesn't matter beyond a point if they are there for you or if they even love you back or even make an effort to acknowledge your love. You just love. You're always there. Always make that special effort without even intending to. The very aspect of hanging around for someone for so long. Too romanticized it may seem but knowing me, I'm sure I'm gonna end up doing that.

And I'm not just talking about the "being in love" love. All kinds. Every relationship that you may have seen or have been a part of. Sometimes its as though this is what your life is all about and a career is just to sustain something like this. Sometimes you just build your life around the people who you love or who you assume/take for granted love you back. It is sometimes weird how dependency gives rise to love and vice versa. How much we want to be loved. How much we think that  it gives a purpose to our lives. Even if you feel worthless otherwise, nothing like knowing that someone somewhere cares about you and wants you to be happy is enough to inspire you to do something better. The one thing you think you need to survive and you really don't ever understand it all. Maybe that's the trick..The mystery keeps it up.

We probably will never know why we are here. Probably never know why some things happen only to us. Probably regret the position we put ourselves in at certain times or be happy that we did something for someone else despite what we feel. But we will continue to survive. And this love that I'm talking about, however bittersweet it may be, hopefully would be one of the reasons why life would no longer need to be survived but lived.

(For those of you wondering what triggered off such a post, it is this book called "One day" by David Nicholls that Ashmita suggested I read and what a wonderfully woven story it turned out to be. DO give it a read if you're in that typical mood as I am in right now)