Push

You just need to push a little longer, they say 
How long, just how long, I ask, 
Just long enough to get through this deadline. 
This date.
This time. 

Okay. 

Then the day comes and goes 
And again I am back in the same place, 
The wall getting higher 
The doors getting heavier 
Every push seemingly less effective. 


Can I sleep just a little longer, I ask, 
Can those few minutes of escape drive my demons away? 
Those demons aren't going anywhere! 
Why don't you wake up and show them what you're made of? 

Okay. 

So I somehow tumble through, 
Finding hope in the smallest distances covered 
Like a bike struggling to reach uphill, 
Ignoring how much it takes. 

I just want to give up, I say 
Don't! You've waited so long to be here! 
If you give up now, what's the point of all those years?! 

Alright...

I read my old notes of things I've said to myself, 
I remember times that were seemingly much worse, 
So I go on, moving along, without an audible tear or a sound. 

When do I really escape? 
What is holding me back so long? 
When did this love of life turned into an effort song? 

I feel stuck 
Hiding in the crevices of my own mind, 
Thoughts bouncing between inexistent corners inside, 
Till they get so fast, that they cease to be thoughts. 

I bang my fist, and scream out loud, 
I can't really do it anymore, 
I cannot I cannot I cannot. 
A radio silence is all that follows behind. 

Can I go home now?