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Thursday, June 23, 2016

Pain

Don't obliterate me, don't mutilate me,
I beg of you please,
Don't rob me of that joy, not joy, peace,
Of sleeping next to someone in their warm embrace,
While I instead wake up in cold sweats,
Thinking of what you did,
Or maybe you don't want me to wake up at all,
For those 20 minutes of action, my never-ending time of horror,
You'd rather I be destroyed,
A voiceless cunt, just waiting to be fucked,
Do you even know what you're doing, I don't know anymore,
Because I didn't think there could be so much evil in someone,
That you'd rather insert things in me,
And see me cry while you laugh in mirth,
About what, I have a fucking clue, not,
I'm tired of having to watch my way,
Look at every person twice, wonder if I'll get home safe,
Wonder if my clothes are too short or slutty,
Wonder if I'm giving you mixed signals when I really am not,
As though every step I take forward, could have easily been a fall,
I'm not gonna say think of your sisters and mothers and people you love,
Because if you did, I don't think we'd have to talk,
Instead think about yourself, in a weird upturn of power,
Feeling helpless, losing any sense of control,
Someone hurting you so bad, you'd really rather die,
But hey, that's what they call empathy you know,
If you had any idea that feeling existed,
You'd be scared to even touch a woman without thinking if that would hurt her,
Oh all you people deserve a place in hell,
I can think of nothing to stop you, nothing that hasn't already been said,
I refuse to bow down, refuse to be tied down,
Hate me, shame me, insult me,
I won't deny that I'm scared.

But all you women who have silently or not so silently borne that brunt,
I salute you for not having given up your life,
For a bunch of fucking morons,
Who actually believed that "ruining" you, overpowering you was equivalent to destroying you,
Ha, those dumb idiots,
You, my woman, are a lot bigger than that,
You have a lot left to do, a lot more to feel,
Don't let this temporary numbness get to you,
Even if no one tells you this,
I'm here for you, I support you, and no, it wasn't your fault,
I know I don't really understand what you've gone through,
But I've cried for you, screamed out loud for you,
Don't for a second believe you don't have a voice,
Don't let yourself believe this was a choice,
You let yourself make in this cruel world,
I wish I could  take away your pain, I really do,
Give yourself a chance, let the pain break free,
And I promise I'll try and change the small things I can around me,
Try creating small safe spaces as much as I can,
Small spaces for you to place your beautiful feet in,
While you walk with your head held high.



Very depressing, I know. But I am tired of ignoring all the pain I feel when I read about all the people who have to go through this horrible thing that is rape, or when people speak so lightly about rape without even wondering how they have no clue about how it must be. I hate it. I needed to get it out. It brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about these women who go through so much before they stop reliving that horror, be it 2 minutes or 2 hours, before it stops pervading their lives. Stop it, people. Teach your kids there is no need for passive aggression. Teach your kids about equality, empathy and sympathy. Teach them that being sloshed and being unaware of their surroundings does not dismiss them of their responsibility towards humanity.

Tell them when you get your period, tell them it hurts. Tell them you hate it when someone stares at you. Tell them you dress for yourself, dress to be ready for the day, feel great. Tell them that you sometimes, just sometimes, dress well to mask a whole bunch of insecurities, those if you began to list out, would make you seem crazy. Stop assuming that people slept with their bosses to get to where they are. Some might have, but that assumption makes us hate someone else without even knowing them.

We need to stop hiding under the pretentious rules and assumptions we have for girls and boys. And hopefully, that helps a few people avoid going through this horrendous thing.

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