There is something about an Ayn Rand book that reinforces what I
already believe. It feels like a modicum of life waiting to be discovered as a
part of you and it pops out of nowhere.
When I started reading Atlas Shrugged, I thought all I want to be is the crazy workaholic. In the middle, I realized the person I wanted to be. By the end, I knew the kind of people I want to be around. The ones who inspire me.
I want to be the girl who people look up to. Who achieves more than what is expected of her. A woman, the one who crashes right through the glass ceiling.
There is something that came to me. We use the relationship that has been established to define our actions and what we deserve or need to provide. Do we ever learn when that relationship becomes a plain shadow of what it used to be and yet we continue to expect what we do not deserve? Our previous actions can only help us predict what we might do but you can't expect a result of something that used to be. If there is anyone who propagates unconditional love it's me but the moment you call it out as a sacrifice and expect to be pitied/appreciated/recognized for the same, your purpose of that love has been lost. I've never realized how much the self conscience matters even when it comes to love.
Joy for it's own sake has been forgotten. I've never read something where they spoke about people who love what they do to love their life for the same sake. You always read about how people have forgotten to stop and stare, how work has consumed them but this is probably the first time I read about how that consumption gave them the greatest redemption from degradation.
Something that I think is evident in Ayn's books is the importance and intensity of emotions. The words she uses to express the emotions that are being felt is unbelievable. And the way she uses "dearest", that's when the romantic in me comes out of nowhere and makes me attach so much more importance to that single utterance.(that will be the last romantic mention I make, thank you very much :P )
I am so influenced by this book, it is scary. I even wondered if she had conveyed exactly the opposite would I be this convinced? I doubt the possibility, this is so fundamental and so ideally right, though it does seem an utopian world, there are parts of it you'll reach.
That I love what I do, that I know I love, I'm gonna make sure it keeps me going till the end, I don't want this to be the result of what my age gives me, I want this passion to drive me throughout my life. I know there will be more times where I won't feel like this as opposed to feeling this way but as long as I have spurts of them , I think I'll survive.
And I will be one of them.
When I started reading Atlas Shrugged, I thought all I want to be is the crazy workaholic. In the middle, I realized the person I wanted to be. By the end, I knew the kind of people I want to be around. The ones who inspire me.
I want to be the girl who people look up to. Who achieves more than what is expected of her. A woman, the one who crashes right through the glass ceiling.
There is something that came to me. We use the relationship that has been established to define our actions and what we deserve or need to provide. Do we ever learn when that relationship becomes a plain shadow of what it used to be and yet we continue to expect what we do not deserve? Our previous actions can only help us predict what we might do but you can't expect a result of something that used to be. If there is anyone who propagates unconditional love it's me but the moment you call it out as a sacrifice and expect to be pitied/appreciated/recognized for the same, your purpose of that love has been lost. I've never realized how much the self conscience matters even when it comes to love.
Joy for it's own sake has been forgotten. I've never read something where they spoke about people who love what they do to love their life for the same sake. You always read about how people have forgotten to stop and stare, how work has consumed them but this is probably the first time I read about how that consumption gave them the greatest redemption from degradation.
I learnt how scared in fact we are of facing reality. How we screw
up things just to avoid it. I also realized how easy it is to reach a solution
once you have seen the reality in its absolute terms, with nothing to confuse
yourself about, nothing to cheat yourself about.
Something that I think is evident in Ayn's books is the importance and intensity of emotions. The words she uses to express the emotions that are being felt is unbelievable. And the way she uses "dearest", that's when the romantic in me comes out of nowhere and makes me attach so much more importance to that single utterance.(that will be the last romantic mention I make, thank you very much :P )
I am so influenced by this book, it is scary. I even wondered if she had conveyed exactly the opposite would I be this convinced? I doubt the possibility, this is so fundamental and so ideally right, though it does seem an utopian world, there are parts of it you'll reach.
I realize I want to admire the second person. I want to
compete naturally, the motive not being to beat the other person but to keep getting
better though if the effect is to beat the person it shouldn't really matter. I
have always been competitive but I admire the person who has the skill to beat
me and seeing that brilliance and knowing those people exist is probably why I
survive. Of course, I do have times where I wonder why am I not as good as
someone else but that can not and will not become my complete sense of thinking
cuz they are the reason why I still have some hope in whatever system I am a
part of.
As much of a dramatic dialogue this may seem like it feels like I have
rediscovered myself. The person I used to love myself to be is back. I thought
experiences and maturity changes who you are but apparently it doesn't... I
guess reading the book and the lovely nature that accompanied me, that which I
have always loved made me believe in myself again. About the endless
possibilities. Just by being me. Without anyone else at all. I have no clue,
absolutely no clue how long this feeling will last, but I think I know the
absolute me and THAT is
gonna be with me for as long as I have a sense of understanding and consciousness.
That I love what I do, that I know I love, I'm gonna make sure it keeps me going till the end, I don't want this to be the result of what my age gives me, I want this passion to drive me throughout my life. I know there will be more times where I won't feel like this as opposed to feeling this way but as long as I have spurts of them , I think I'll survive.
In her own words,
"I trust that no one will tell me that men such as I write
about don't exist. That this book has been written—and published—is my
proof that they do."
And I will be one of them.
4 comments:
This is my favorite blog post Preeti. Of all the awesome ones I've read. I want to read the book.
Reading this post especially when I am in the middle of reading Atlas Shrugged was just brilliant timing.
The book looks at me right now, simply waiting to be picked up.. into the endless night. I love Rand!
And an absolutely wonderful post, Preeti. :)
Preeti.. you continue to amaze me with the depth of your thought process..
well, your blog is a beautiful brief of a beautiful book ... everytime you read it, you come up with a few more insights. Try doing it after a few months
About maturity affecting you.. .remember your centre remains the same irrespective of the change in environment. you just learn to manage things easily and thats maturity.
@ashwini: That's awesome! I would love to know what you think about the book. :)
@shrilata: I absolutely love Rand myself!
@chithi: I think you're gonna have to get used to me surprising you. And you're right. I actually want to read it 5 years later and see what I get out of it. Hmm, you are right about the maturity part, I guess :)
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